Friday, August 8, 2008

The Greatest Show on Earth

I'll try to explain what I just saw: Chinese dancer/acrobats performing on a giant digital canvas as it unfurls across the stadium... dancer/acrobats then "paint" on canvas digitally with their hands... the beautiful result is then displayed to the crowd. Welcome to the 2008 Beijing Olympics.

I think Yanni is performing at this point. Thousands of identically dressed and featured men just burst out of a series of undulating boxes in the center of the stadium. The announcer just explained what we're seeing, and I still don't understand it at all. This is gonna be a long night.

Looks like it's Bob Costas, Matt Lauer, and some guy named Joshua Cooper Ramo. "Josh" is an expert on Chinese culture, and is explaining the signifigance of everything we're seeing.

Cool, we're back to the giant digital canvas. An impossibly beautiful dancer is twirling stuff to and fro, while about a hundred guys (slaves?) carry the giant canvas around.

BC: Who are these guys? At least a thousand blue soldiers just "invaded" the stadium. They're armed with either giant oars or giant feathers. Either way, I think we're all safe.

Now there's an impossibly weird guy in the middle of the show, carrying an enormous wooden bowl and spoon. I'm not sure where he went. Cut to commercial.

JCR: Oh by the way, this culture invented printing and paper.

Now I understand... the guy who did House of Flying Daggers designed the show. That's either really cool or sort of disappointing. Now the Chinese Elton John is playing a piano duet with a small child. This is making Super Bowl halftime look like a high school talent show.

I'm not sure who these girls are on the right, but they're certainly capturing the Olympic spirit.

2008 Chinese guys in white outfits are arranged in perfect concentric circles across the stadium floor. Now they're sprinting across the floor in alternating rows. BC: One false move and we're talking about some smashed craniums here!

OK, I'm turning this off-- the performers are walking sideways and upside-down around a giant globe-lamp. I'll let you know when the sports start.


KumoD said...

Such a sour puss. That was rather mindblowing. Way more entertaining than this Yankee game I'm watching.

Lee Mazzola said...

Hey, I thought it was amazing! I just can't watch that kind of stuff for much more than an hour.