"The House that Ruth Build"

What can I say about this one?! Took my dad to see one of the worst drubbings in Yankee history. Every ball the Indians hit was fucking smoked. This really was batting practice.

Anyway, our new seats aren't bad. The section's really mellow-- like, dorky mellow. Very nice woman sitting next to me with her mother, who was about 85 years old. They'll be my neighbors for the next six months. I was honestly uncomfortable with the idea of raising my voice above normal speaking volume.

Another older woman sat directly in front of me with a bootleg T-shirt from last year's opening day. The back proudly read "The House that Ruth Build" across the top. Maybe I'll make a shirt that says "Babe Ruht #3" or "Jolter Joe DiMaggio"...

I really don't have the energy to evaluate the goddamn stadium again, but I truly like it. I'm not sure how they managed to make a fancy-ass state-of-the-art stadium that still has enough of the old one's look to feel right. Amazing.

They need to fix the fucking mustard dispensers, though. A girl was on French's detail for at least 15 minutes and couldn't get any thing to come out either of the two nozzles. My dad and I were forced to open and squirt at least six packets on our foot-longs, which was a surprisingly difficult and awkward exercise. The condiment stand was so brand new and nice that we couldn't just leave sticky packets and wrappers and napkins all over the place, and the nearest garbage was part of a recycling triple bin at least 30 feet away. Plus, the French's girl was standing right there, squeezing weird foil bags of mustard into the dispensing depots, so we couldn't defile her efforts like a couple of teenagers, right??!! We shuffled over to the nearest pretzel stand, which featured the only flat surfaces for what seemed like miles.

So yeah, I love the new place. Also found a Guinness-on-tap booth mere seconds from our seats. At what appeared to be pints (I'm praying they're "imperial" 20-oz. pints) for $11 a pop, what's not to like?!

I didn't have a Guinness this time, 'cause I had to get home to put LJ to bed. The sitter was staying until about 7:30, and she had just endured a horrific tantrum by the boy when I left at around 3pm. As I dragged him across the floor while he hung onto my leg screaming, I felt about 30% heartwarmed and 70% embarassed while I slipped out the door for a quick cab uptown. "Give him a warm bottle of milk and watch some boring show on TV-- he'll go to sleep..." was my parting advice (which worked, by the way).

I paid the price tonight, with another marathon bedtime affair. I'm completely out of gas at this point, so I'm reduced to bargaining, begging, etc. with the boy for just about anything. Somehow I got him down, even though I probably opened another line of credit with Satan himself to do so.

22 to 4???!!!! This HAS to be the low point. Tomorrow's Burnett vs. Pavano right? Don't laugh, Carl actually beat A.J. last year in a weird one at the stadium.

PavanoWatch VIII

Maybe Carl "Cookie Puss" Pavano's running out of tricks...

He was a lot closer to his wild side tonight, walking two and beaning one in 4+ innings. Hughes is earning good grades lately, so maybe they roll the dice with Phil? If the Sox keep winning, don't look for lots of innings from any of the crown jewels.

I'm loving Phil Coke. Can I get a jersey? I think he has Farnsie's old number.

PavanoWatch VII

"P with a capital P-- and don't ever in your life try to rock with me..."

Yes, I'll be wearing my #45 jersey with a certain pride, nay, swagger tomorrow at the Stadium. Maybe somebody'll even buy me a beer. The bastard's 2-0!!!

The Mz. posed an interesting one tonight: is this Derek Jeter's worst offensive season ever?

The Post reported that the Yanks put Pavano on waivers. What???!!!!! I'm cancelling my season tickets.

PavanoWatch VI

This is getting ridiculous-- a MazzolaWatch would probably be in order at this point.

Anyway, Carl won. Let's hope it's not the last time. This has taken me at least 25 minutes to type...

PavanoWatch V

It's official-- Carl Pavano is scheduled to pitch against the Orioles this Saturday.

Carl was chosen over several other rare- and ne'er-do-wells: Phil Hughes (flu), Kei Igawa (sucks), Eric Milton (still rehabbing), and Victor Zambrano (still rehabbing and sucks).

He'll have his work cut out for him. In addition to making it to the park, warming up, and navigating his way to the mound, Pavano will be facing the O's Jeremy Guthrie, who's only allowed 8 runs in his last six starts.

PavanoWatch IV

The Yankees web site says it brilliantly: Yanks will bring someone up Saturday.

We all figured Hughes would get the nod over ol' Carl, but Phil's rough start yesterday cast a bit of doubt (3.2 IP, 5 R, 8 H). Pavano, on the other hand, had a nice 6-inning 1-run effort of his own.

So who's it gonna be? I think they'll be anxious to settle this Pavano thing once and for all-- if he stinks up Camden Yards, it might provide some closure to the strange saga. If he does OK, then he does OK.

career Yankee numbers for Hughes: 5-7, 94.2 IP, 5.51 ERA
career Yankee numbers for Pavano: 5-6, 111.1 IP, 4.77 ERA

I won't delve into their salaries.

PavanoWatch III

Another nice job by Carl "Idle" Pavano tonight. The $11,000,000 man pitched 3 2/3 scoreless innings, allowing just one hit and fanning four. Hopefully he'll be following Sir Hughes over to Scranton sometime soon... Phil allowed one run and three hits over 4 2/3 tonight against the dreaded PawSox.

Of course, the press was all over the Health Fair angle for Pavano's start tonight. Too bad I broke the story yesterday, punks!

PavanoWatch II

C.P.'s movin' up to the big leagues! He's scheduled to start for the AA Trenton Thunder against the Akron Aeros tomorrow night in, um, Trenton. In what could be the most appropriate promotion night of the year, Horizon Blue Cross Blue Shield will be conducting an on-site "Health Fair" during the game. I'm assuming Carl will be available for autographs (casts, 'scripts, etc.)

Pavano's second start for Charleston over the weekend wasn't too shabby: 3 IP, 1 ER, 0 BB. The RiverDogs had a funny promotion of their own a few nights prior to this game-- lucky fans (males) were offered a free prostate exam upon arrival at the stadium. I kid you not.

Speaking of not kidding, looks like Pavano and Hughes could be a lot more important than we thought. With Joba's recent injury, the Yanks are certain to give the gimpy gents a go. Hughes is pitching for AAA Scranton tomorrow night against the PawSox.

PavanoWatch

All eyes were on Phil Hughes at "The Joe" in Charleston, S.C. last night. Phil delivered the goods, pitching three scoreless innings and earning the win for the RiverDogs. Only the hardcore fans noticed the kid pitching before the Yankee phenom. Only the astute noticed two dominant innings of shutout baseball with four strikeouts and only one hit allowed. Only the devoted noticed a pitcher named Carl Pavano.

That's right, the only pitcher in pinstripes to have an MRI tube named after him is back in action. I imagine we'll see Carl hurl a few innings in the dog days of August. Anyone care to make any predictions?

Yankees 9, Devil Rays 5

Another Opening Day victory witnessed by yours truly. Not a pretty one.

Pre-game ceremonies were actually pretty good, even touching. I had a lump in my throat during the Cory Lidle montage and surviving family appearance (which I soon realized was the enormous ham and salami sub I was scarfing down). Hank Bauer also got a nice memorial piece.

Bob Sheppard seems to be in very bad shape. The "moment of silence" for Bauer (and Bowie Kuhn) was dominated by the sound of Sheppard wheezing into the microphone. In the 5th inning, the appearance of Brian Bruney was mysteriously announced as "Seeeaaan Hennnnn..." in a strange digitized voice. That was the last thing he would say all day, if he even really said it. Sheppard was immediately replaced by whoever the guy is that will be replacing him as soon as he needs to be replaced full-time.

A-Rod was given a hero's welcome during his first at-bat (even though he muffed an easy pop only minutes earlier), and promptly whiffed. He got booed a few times before his hot-shot single and, finally, his mammoth center-field dong. He's almost like a mascott at this point: a goofball savant.

We'll get to Pavano next time he pitches.

BEER UPDATE:
24 oz. Fosters/Heineken: $12 (up from $9.75)
24 oz. Beck's: $10
24 oz. Bud Lite: $9 (this is what I'll be drinking from now on)
16 oz. Beck's: $8.75
16 oz. Miller Lite, etc.: $8.00

Even at these prices, there were lots of very drunk people in the crowd today. The deli up the hill was selling big cans of Miller for $3, and encouraging people to drink them right in the store! We ordered our sandwiches in the middle of a drunken, burping mob. We'll see how long they get away with it.