Tuesday, June 26, 2012

S is for Stinking Lizaveta

Oh Canada!!!

This is getting ridiculous... I have way too many "S" albums. How 'bout I just pick ten of 'em?

Wait! Check out this hilarious Saga "coupon" that came with my remastered CD of Worlds Apart! Can you imagine collecting 10 different Saga coupons?!! That would mean buying 10 different Saga albums.

So instead of ten Saga albums, here's ten great albums. No coupons, but I'll personally guarantee each one:

DJ Shadow - The Private Press (2002)
Maybe Endtroducing... is the better record, but I've listened to this one a lot more. Along with N*E*R*D's In Search Of..., some codeine and a few Ambiens, I made The Private Press an integral part of my "Shot Nights" in the wonderful summer of 2002. Both records seemed to magically change over the last few tracks (hmm...) and always mellowed me out (aaahhh...). Still waiting for Shadow to come back to Earth and make some great records again.

Sonny Sharrock - Ask The Ages (1991)
Beautiful, terrifying, and not the best record to spin when you're trying to get laid. Let's leave it at that.

Paul Simon - Greatest Hits, Etc. (1977)
I thought this was about the coolest record I'd ever seen when I was a kid. Something about the soothing browns, the nice font with all the musicians on every song, and the amazing opening track that made me love it. I had no idea what Tony Levin or Steve Gadd even looked like at this point (thankfully), but I knew they were cool for sure.
My grandmother was a piano teacher at Manhattan School of Music, but didn't know diddly about 70s modern pop/rock. That didn't stop her from gently banging out tunes from the Greatest Hits, Etc. songbook while I tried to sing like Paulie. She even thought a few of the tunes were pretty good, but I can't remember which ones.

Slayer - Reign In Blood (1986)
A strong candidate for the greatest record ever made. Name me another album that features a band tearing apart a six-pack of Stella Artois on the back cover. Oh, you actually found another one?! Now try to tell me it's better than Reign In Blood.

Sly - There's a Riot Goin' On (1971)
Sometimes it's annoying when a really depressing record is hailed a masterpiece because it's so depressing, right? I never found this one even remotely depressing, which is probably why I'm not a successful music critic. I boogied my cracker ass off listening to this masterpiece on a cassette Walkman next to some god-forsaken river in Alaska after drinking a full bottle of cough syrup for the first time... how's that for depressing?!

Bruce Springsteen - Tunnel of Love (1987)
This one's absolutely perfect. If I ever made a record this good I'd probably eat a live raccoon and puke in my pants. Five, count 'em, five hit singles!

Spoon - A Series of Sneaks (1998)

Squeeze - Singles 45's and Under (1982)
When's the last time you listened to this whole thing start to finish? Do it and report back to me, please.

Steely Dan - The Royal Scam (1976)
Yeah, yeah, fucking Aja, blah blah, Can't Buy A Thrill, yeah, yeah, I love 'em all. But this one has "Kid Charlemagne" and "Green Earrings" on it.

The Stooges - Fun House (1970)

Me and my buddy Kong woke up on the floor in the early morning after a house party in Westchester, and immediately started drinking the leftover beer. We cranked Fun House and started stumbling/slamming into each other, infuriating dozens of hungover former friends. Punk rock.