Sunday, May 28, 2006

FUN YANKEE PUZZLE!!!

Match the following Yankees with their current/recent injuries:

1.Shawn Chacon 2.Bubba Crosby 3.Johnny Damon 4.Octavio Dotel 5.Jason Giambi 6.Derek Jeter 7.Randy Johnson 8.Hideki Matsui 9.Carl Pavano 10.Jorge Posada 11.Mariano Rivera 12.Alex Rodriguez 13.Gary Sheffield 14.Tanyon Sturtze

(a)tear in right rotator cuff (b)bruised left wrist (c)left leg hematoma (d)strained right hamstring (e)left wrist fracture (f)recovery from elbow surgery (g)bone chip above right elbow (h)broken bone in right foot (i)left hamstring tendon tear (j)flu-like symptoms (k)mild sprain of right hand (l)whiplash (m)back spasms (n)bruised ego

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

The old 7-8-9 punch...

Michael Kay brought up an interesting query last night:

When was the last time three Yankee outfielders batted 7-8-9 in the lineup?

Saturday, May 20, 2006

YANKEE DOGHOUSE 9: Randy Johnson

I paid $50 to be humiliated in goddamn Queens again.

We'll deal with Mariano another time.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Jason Giambi: King of the weird ailments

First he had a pituitary tumor and a parasite(?) and now it's "whiplash"... what's next? Dropsy? Lumbago?

YANKEE DOGHOUSE 8: Tanyon Sturtze

I know, he's hurt and not really on the team any more. I just want to give Randy Johnson one more chance-- namely, this Friday night.

The "Big Unit" (starting to sound more like something off the $1 value menu than a Cy Young winner) can redeem himself by shutting down the Mets (Pedro?) in the first game of the series this weekend. In fact, if he gives a dominating performance I'll never complain about the bastard again... just show me SOMETHING!!! I just can't pay $50 to be humiliated in goddamn Queens again.

Friday, May 12, 2006

YANKEE FART ALERT

I swear to god Michael Kay farted during the broadcast last night. Listen to the "Yankee Replay" this morning if you don't believe me. I think it was the bottom (tehee) of the 4th inning-- there's a pause in the conversation and a clear and concise "PPPFFFT" can be heard. The fart is followed by another lull, and then Kaat and O'Neill mysteriously disappear for the rest of the inning. I guess it could have been one of those guys, but...

Tuesday, May 9, 2006

YANKEE DOGHOUSE 7: Randy Johnson

Yes, Tanyon Sturtze was horrible once again tonight (5 hits, 3 ER in one inning). Yes, A-Rod was absolutely miserable (2 errors, GIDP) and should double his time with his shrink. Melky Torre Bernie Damon blah blah blah...

Let's place some blame where it REALLY belongs for the night. I don't care how much money he makes (with their payroll!!??) or how many runs he gives up-- I'm pissed about his crappy attitude.

Randy Johnson dismissed tonight's game and pitching matchup as no big deal and performed accordingly. I don't give a fuck if you pitched against Nolan Ryan-- it wasn't in the Bronx against the Red Sox. He's gone well beyond "clubhouse cancer" by now-- you could almost see his face in dozens of Yankee urinals in the middle of the 4th tonight. "CANO" jerseys outnumbered "JOHNSON"'s three to one.

He'll probably end up with similar numbers this year as he had last year, which weren't bad at all. But I'm officially finished with sticking up for this jerk. At least until he beats the Mets.

Thursday, May 4, 2006

YANKEE DOGHOUSE 6: Tanyon Sturtze

How does that song go... Midas in reverse? He's like a dark cloud hovering over the mound, threatening to unleash a downpour of walks and dingers. No way he survives the returns of Pavano and Dotel.