Sunday, April 6, 2008

Rays 6, Yankees 3

Took the honorable Michael Heaton to the game. Mike’s not a Yankee fan, but he put on a happy face and had a good time. I’m pretty sure the Miller Lites helped a bit.

The beer was definitely the highlight of the game. Jeter, Damon and Cano continued their awful performance, and Pettite was shaky. Shell Duncan kinda stunk too.

I’m pretty sure the guy next to me stole my promotional 2008 Yankee calenedar. I put it down next to my seat for a sec while I said hi to a couple of people, and next thing I know it’s gone. Meanwhile, my neighbor sits smug with two calendars in his lap. I ask him if he saw my calendar, and he shakes his head. Ten minutes later I hear him jawing about how the calendars are already going for $40 on eBay. No proof, but I think he got me. Mike H, ever the gent, scored me another one off the floor of the mens’ room.

Stadium Pizza doesn’t even sell their 3 for $10 beer anymore. At least the beer inside the stadium hasn’t gone up (how could it?). As I said, the beer was the highlight of the game.

Friday, April 4, 2008

Rays 13, Yankees 4

The following is a real-time diary account of tonight’s Yankee broadcast on YES:

7:01 – Apparently Joe Girardi is "under the weather" tonight, and will be managing from his office...

7:02 – Michael Kay – "After last night’s performance by Hughes, Ian Kennedy will have some tough shoes to follow tonight…" I guess we’ll burn that metaphor when we cross it.

7:05 – The Rays??? Fucking stupid. How ’bout the Arizona Backs?

7:07 – Yankees: The Final Season… Will Joba get whacked? Will Joe Torre pour gasoline on the coast-to-coast beef? Will Jeter finally fuck Meadow?

7:10 – Ken Singleton just pronounced it Ee-van Longoria. He wishes.

7:16 – Fantasy Bonus Alert: Crawford SB.

7:19 – Stop talking about Kennedy’s amazing control. He can barely throw a damn strike.

7:27 – Wow, nothing like watching a baseball game with your son. It’s something I always… ah shit! LJ just projectile puked all over my leg.

7:LLkl;kjj oops, fell asleep for a minute there.

8:00 – Jeez, he just walked Carlos "That’s the Raspberries" Pena.

8:06 – Ouch. Ian’s looking a bit more Ted than John F so far…

8:07 - … and they just took him out. Girardi could be heard faintly calling from the office bathroom, "Nooooo… don’t take him out yet…. (flushhhhhhhhh)"

8:09 – Have no fear, it’s Jonathan Albadagajedero.

8:12 – Suck city. Better dust off those Igawa shirts.

8:22 – The New York Yankees… where formerly great leadoff hitters come to wither off and die.

8:29 – OK, signs of life. Giambi’s lickin’ his lips like crazy—that’s good.

8:30 – Fantasy Bust Alert: Cano’s batting like 0.050.

8:34 – Jeter error. If Cano’s having one of his space cadet nights in the field, the Yankees might have one of the worst defensive infields in baseball.

8:40 – Now I really am falling asleep. I’m going for Diet Dew 3 for the day.

8:53 – Wakefield’s getting knocked around a bit by the Jays. Rays, Jays… tough division. At least Tampa’s sort of normal looking—Toronto’s got more mullets than a Mr. Mister video. Or at least the ’93 Phillies.

8:58 – So they’re using a recording of Bob Sheppard’s voice every time Jeter comes to the plate. Weird.

9:15 – Great. Another "lefty specialist" that can’t get lefties out.

9:18 – Giambi. Catlike at first.

9:43 – What the hell happened? I went to give Lee Jr. a bath, and it looks like Hawkins is the one that took a bath. Oh brother. Booed off the field.

9:48 – Farnsworth, Farnsworth, he’s our man! If he can’t do it, Carlos Pena can! 3-run dong. We’re getting our asses whupped by the Rays.

9:50 – [from Ms. Mazz: "Was this Torre’s fault too, Kyle?"] Gotta love it.

9:52 – Let’s see what else is on: "Escape to Chimp Eden"; "John Adams" (I can’t take this seriously at all. I’m waiting for John Adams to start singing karaoke.); "You, Me and Dupree"; "Beerfest"; "The Breakfast Club" (ultra-rare uncensored version); "Succubus: Hellbent".

9:56 – Kay and the boys are doing a great job calling them "Rays" and not "Devil Rays". I couldn’t do that. I still talk about the Oilers and the Expos.

10:00 – Tomorrow better be better. When I go to 30 games in a season, I don’t much give a shit if they get creamed a few times. But this year, I demand more. Quality, not quantity. Sapporo, not Bud Lite.

10:04 – Farnsworth is a real bum. Really. He has the competitive edge of a potato chip.

10:14 – Cano seems to be in one of his moods. In other words, he’s hitting like shit.

10:15 – I suppose Rob Thomson did a good job managing. Managing to get wiped, that is.

10:17 – Sorry that was so boring. I just took a handful of pills and I’m going to bed now.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Eternal Knicks Question…

Which will last longer?

Isiah Thomas or the flesh-colored bandage on Jamal Crawford's shoulder?