Sunday, January 20, 2008

By the time we get to Arizona…

God damn it, they did it. The Giants are in the Super Bowl.

You gotta admit, they've looked like a different team for the past month or so. Where'd it come from? Eli? Ahmad Bradshaw? Jessica Simpson?

The city of New York should be thanking me and the missus for producing the talisman of the Giants' season. Lee Jr. has watched Big Blue go 4-1, and that includes the Patriots game. He's a regular rabbit's foot. Shit, even the Knicks are winning since LJ hit town.

I had the kid by myself tonight for most of the game. I spent most of the second quarter fumbling around with diapers and baby bottles as LJ screamed his ass off. Then he puked all over my vintage Giants shirt during halftime (I wore my 90's Junior Seau jersey for the Pats-Bolts game). When the first-born masculine child yaks on your team's shirt at halftime, it's hard to go wrong.

Funny, Lee Jr's bottle feedings are absolutely identical to his dad's cough syrup jags from back in the day:
1) gulps down a four ounce bottle
2) pukes on floor of parents' house
3) leans back and squints at wall
4) puts on Isn't Anything CD (ok, he's not doing that yet...)

Glendale, here we come!!!

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Friend, you’ve got to fall.

So the Knicks have actually won a few games lately. Their mini-hotstreak has earned them lots of "what-if's" (ESPN) as well as the usual derision (Pete C) from the rest of the world. I can barely stand to watch them any more (although I'm actually starting to like Nate Robinson).

The Knicks are like a hideous alcoholic friend (I accidentally typed "fiend" first, and almost left it). Every once in a while, the friend cleans up. We all talk about how good the friend looks lately. The friend is just buying himself a little bit of time.

Friday, January 11, 2008

“Millions of Young Abusing Cough Medicine”…

[this entry is by request]

... reads the shocking headline in the New York Times this week. Channel 7 also had a piece on the nightly news about it. Could it be true? Can you really get high off cough syrup?

People often ask me why I'm so wise to the world of over-the-counter DXM highs. Truth is, I never really had a choice or a chance.There are three clear and definitive indicators for high risk of cough medicine abuse:

1) the subject is a white male, age 15-35, and lives on Long Island.
2) the subject is in the <$15,000 annual income bracket. 3) the subject owns at least 75% of the E'G Records catalog. Why are people doing it? Well, there's something kinda nice about strolling into a CVS, Rite-Aid, etc. and doing a little shopping. Sorta like walking around a liquor store, but at about a sixth of the price. It's a classic suburban scene-- aisle after aisle looks the same, red carpeting, really bright lights, guys walking around in blue aprons with vacuum cleaners, Pringles potato chips, Fruit Stripe gum, a 79-cent Sprite, and a receipt. There's no worry about getting shit that doesn't work, arrested, beat up, none of that. Every bottle of cough syrup is exactly the same. If you're curious, Delsym ("agent orange") is totally the way to go. I innocently drank what seemed like 2 or 3 ounces when I was sick about two years ago (I'm NEVER sick), and got completely looped for at least two hours. No shit.

Friday, January 4, 2008


Write me a message with your mailing address, and I'll mail you a DJ BUTTAFINGERZ "SCREWIN' UP THE OLDIES" 1982 mix CD. Absolutely free!