“Millions of Young Abusing Cough Medicine”…

[this entry is by request]

... reads the shocking headline in the New York Times this week. Channel 7 also had a piece on the nightly news about it. Could it be true? Can you really get high off cough syrup?

People often ask me why I'm so wise to the world of over-the-counter DXM highs. Truth is, I never really had a choice or a chance.There are three clear and definitive indicators for high risk of cough medicine abuse:

1) the subject is a white male, age 15-35, and lives on Long Island.
2) the subject is in the <$15,000 annual income bracket. 3) the subject owns at least 75% of the E'G Records catalog. Why are people doing it? Well, there's something kinda nice about strolling into a CVS, Rite-Aid, etc. and doing a little shopping. Sorta like walking around a liquor store, but at about a sixth of the price. It's a classic suburban scene-- aisle after aisle looks the same, red carpeting, really bright lights, guys walking around in blue aprons with vacuum cleaners, Pringles potato chips, Fruit Stripe gum, a 79-cent Sprite, and a receipt. There's no worry about getting shit that doesn't work, arrested, beat up, none of that. Every bottle of cough syrup is exactly the same. If you're curious, Delsym ("agent orange") is totally the way to go. I innocently drank what seemed like 2 or 3 ounces when I was sick about two years ago (I'm NEVER sick), and got completely looped for at least two hours. No shit.