Sunday, September 27, 2009

Yankees 3, Red Sox 0

Can't remember the last time I walked into a Yanks-Sox game with this much swagger. Stagger, maybe, but not so much swagger. It's good to be the fucking king.

Had a particularly tiring morning at home, and then headed up to the Stadium super-early with Chuck S. My old buddy from LI was working the scoreboard for the evening and invited us up for a quick tour. Pretty insane control room-- or as they say in the biz, totally fused up.

So we got a 10-minute crash course in digital sports production, which left us a bit dazed. I was only able to muster up one lame joke about VHS porn tapes, which wasn't even acknowledged. We were spit out into the 200-level hallway at 2:30 with 90 minutes to kill before game time.

Seemed like a perfect chance to check out Tommy Bahama's, the Stadium's full cocktail bar. I can't recommend this move highly enough for all you fans out there. An $11 T & T is a splendid way to kick off a ballgame. We felt classy, refreshed, and even a little tipsy. I advise getting out before further rounds of drinks.

Justice Sotomayor threw a marginal but acceptable first pitch, and we were underway. Chuck and I beefed up our usual "dollar game" by picking two Yanks apiece and two Sox for each other. I got stuck with Ellsbury and Baldelli, along with my own picks of Teixeira & Matsui. Not a great money day for Lee, but I did benefit from a bizarre A-Rod double-play.

CC dominated to the point of numbness. We spent most of the game discussing absurd music lists like "bands that had two different eras of success with two completely different lead singers" and "drummers that subsequently fronted new bands and played an instrument that wasn't the drums." This was obviously a complete blast.

At one point my buddy in the booth had me and Chuck on the giant scoreboard camera for something like 10 seconds, which we were completely oblivious to. The non-existent audio track was "OK, I can see Genesis but Gabriel and Phil were actually in the band at the same time, so it really doesn't compare to AC/DC or Van Halen. There has to be some criteria separating the different eras, or else we're looking at a lot of gray area..."

Not much else to report, although I did find the "HUUUUUUUUUUUGHES!!!" chants absolutely ridiculous. I get "MOOOOOOOSE!!!" and even "YOOOOOOOOOK!!!" but this just sounds stupid.

The humiliation of Billy Wagner was quite enjoyable. I suffered through a terrible game at Shea a few years ago where "Sandman II" out-closed "Sandman" in brutal fashion. Wouldn't it be fun if like six different closers in the majors came out to "Enter Sandman"? I'd still like to see Mariano experiment with Slayer's "Angel of Death" a few times, just to shake things up a bit.

Almost tempted to throw back a few at the Dugout afterwards, but we thought better and headed right home for more music lists ("bands that are named after a member who isn't the lead singer") and other silly stuff. I was barely conscious for today's 1:00 sports bonanza, which the City of New York swept in majestic fashion. It's good to be the fucking king.

Friday, September 18, 2009

The Alaska Diaries, week 2 (part II)

Pukers Die!!! The Alaska Diaries
[names have been changed to protect the guilty and innocent]

WEEK TWO (part II)

Friday (day 12)
Shower! We eat at J.J.'s. We're playing tonight again.

Things are still really weird here. They make us learn tunes from cassette by Trooper and the Kentucky Headhunters, like "Girl Don't Know," "Working Like a Dog" and "Dumas Walker." Dumas has hilarious lines like "We'll get a slawburger, fries, and a bottle of 'ski," and "he takes his orders down one at a time; he don't need a pen, he's got a photogenic mind." I sang "Girl Don't Know."

Hey Joe
Sneakin' Sally (country style)
Mary Had a Little Lamb
Gimme Three Steps
"Lonesome" Blues
Honky Tonk Women
Brown Sugar
Dead Flowers
L.A. Woman
Roadhouse Blues
Break On Through
Little Wing
Higher Ground (remix)
Further On Up the Road
Dumas Walker
Girl Don't Know
Proud Mary
Bad Moon Rising
Heard It Thru the Grapevine
Suzie Q
Fortunate Son
Lay Down Sally
Sunshine of Your Love
Bad Case of Loving You
There She Goes Again
American Woman

_________ almost gets in a fight with a guy who claimed to be a Cree Indian. Some other crazy guy named "The Chief." We scored hash and smoked it out of a beer can. __________ got nickname "Death Row." [I have no idea what that was about]

The club refuses to pay us our $200 because of our huge bar tab. We settle for $100 and take off.

Saturday (day 13)
We all woke up late. Another shower. _________ drives and gets a ticket for going 102 in an 80. We stay at Iron Creek & smoke lots of hash.

Sunday (day 14)
SHIT HAPPENS! Van breaks down on road while listening to Marquee Moon. The transmission and engine are completely blown. Sounded like death.

We hitch a little bit down the highway, and get van towed to Watson Lake. ______ & _________ take off for Skagway in a mobile home for Skagway, leaving the four of us stranded in Yukon. We smoke hash, have rock-throwing contests and play pitch (card game).

We live in a fucking junkyard.

We make a pasta dinner.

week three: surviving on porn & beans in a tent

Thursday, September 17, 2009

The Alaska Diaries, week 2 (part I)

Pukers Die!!! The Alaska Diaries
[names have been changed to protect the guilty and innocent]

WEEK TWO (part I)

Monday (day 8)
We left the Tetons today. It smells awful in the van.

Made our stop for the night in Polson, Montana. The place is called the Rocking C Ranch.

_______ is elected to talk the campsite into letting us play music at their bar for the night. He tells the guy the name of our band is "The Tommyknockers" or maybe "Tommy Knockers." We're warned "none of that acid rock shit" by the bartender.

Sneakin' Sally / Opening Jam
Mary Had a Little Lamb
Little Wing
Hey Joe
Suzie Q
Lay Down Sally (sung as "Lay Down ______")
Can't Help Falling in Love
Firefly (acoustic)
Gimme Three Steps
Red House
Drivin' South

We ate a whole giant jar of beef jerky at the bar. _______ gags and almost throws up outside. My earring rips out of my ear while wrestling out in the grass. We took real showers.

Tuesday (day 9)
We enter Canada. It sucks! We're hassled big time at Customs. _____'s pipe gets taken by officers, and ______ is questioned for half hour about a DWI on his record.

We stay at the WASA Provinical Park in British Columbia, which sucks. It rains the whole time. Me and ______ walk over to bar and buy fries and onion rings. We buy a "case" of beer, which is only 12 beers in Canada and still costs $20. We're bummin'.

Wednesday (day 10)
Woke up soaking fucking wet. Exchange money, and check out Banff Park.

"2 for 1" pizza deal in Prince George totally sucks. Prince George is weird-- we met a guy who's headed up to Alaska too, who tells us we'll never make it across Alaska Highway in our van with our tires.

We camp at Hart Highway park and sleep in the van.

Thursday (day 11)
Shower. Shitty gravel road. I saw a black bear. We find out the Al-Can is flooded out and closed.

We pull into Dawson Creek to get more info on the Highway. There's a huge parade in Dawson Creek-- it's "Mile '0' Day." We finally get in touch with ______, who we're picking up in Skagway. He has $10.

We're stuck in town for the night, so we look for a gig. The first place we ask lets us play! This time ________ does the talking.

The place is called the Trucker's Saloon. Rocky is running the place. Here's our deal: we're booked for two nights, we get three hotel rooms with showers, and free Molson on tap for both nights. We're also paid $200. INCREDIBLE!

We just fucking set up and play. It's a cowboy-type place.

SET LIST (not in order):
Jam (x2)
Hey Joe
Sneakin' Sally
Shotgun Blues
Highway Chile
Mary Had a Little Lamb
Suzie Q (x2)
Lay Down Sally
The Ocean
Gimme Three Steps
Fortunate Son (x2)
Honky Tonk Women
Brown Sugar
L.A. Woman
Roadhouse Blues
Break on Through
Little Wing
Stone Free
Higher Ground (remix)
Funk You
Tush / Further On Up the Road
Sunshine of Your Love
"A" Jam w/guy on harmonica
Red House
Long Train Runnin'

Lots of characters at bar: Lonnie from Detroit, "Judy" dancing drunk with ______, and ________ is completely shitfaced. Judy keeps yelling "Go for broke, you brats!" Some guy is selling ice (the drug)-- we try to avoid. The drums are completely falling apart. Rocky's girlfriend is HOT. Everybody is drunk.

Things are really weird- Dawson Creek is a fucked-up place.

week two, part II: the gig continues!

Monday, September 14, 2009

A-Rod "Man of the Year" Caption Contest!

Imagine my delight when I re-stumbled upon this fantastic photo of A-Rod taken by the Mz!

In honor of A-Rod's nomination for the Marvin Miller "Man of the Year" contest, let's have a little contest of our own! Comment your funniest caption for the photo below, and I'll choose a winner to be proudly displayed at the top of my blog for the rest of the season. Hell, maybe for the rest of eternity!

Captions are due by Sunday, September 20th. I reserve the right to choose my own idea if I deem it funnier than anyone else's.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

The Alaska Diaries, week 1

Six of my friends and I got in a van one morning and drove 4500 miles from Poughkeepsie to Kasilof, Alaska. Most of our friends are sick to fucking death of hearing about it, and most of us that went on the trip don't even talk about it much. In one of my brighter moves, I kept a detailed journal of our epic adventure.

Last week I decided to dig out the diary and pimp it out as a series of entries for Lee's Steez. I read about three pages and threw the idea out the window. Something about today made me think about it again, so here goes nothing...

Pukers Die!!! The Alaska Diaries
[names have been changed to protect the guilty and innocent]


Monday (day 1)
(Harrison Lake campgrounds)

Tuesday (day 2)
Second day of trip.
This book was stolen today. It's getting very hot and _____'s feet smell awful. Last night we played hacky-sack. We went through Chicago today. Visited Field of Dreams.
Stayed at Beed's Lake camping grounds, complete with man-made waterfall.


Wednesday (day 3)
Bought fireworks.
BADLANDS- S. Dakota... INCREDIBLE! Me & _____ got pretty fucking lost; scared. ______ finds his fossil teeth. We play guitar and sing. Good rock climbing. Stayed in Custer State Park (?).
I miss ________ & _______.
Great shower. I SMELL!

Thursday (day 4)
Found more rocks. Climbed in Keyhole State Park.

Friday (day 5)
Continental Divide. SNOW! Mostly just driving.
1st day in Tetons. Got shitfaced on Jim Beam.

Saturday (day 6)
Climbed mountain in Tetons- probably not allowed to just walk up there. Jumped in freezing cold fucking lake in park.
Drove in to town-- listened to Tonight's the Night. Drank lots of Schmidt beer. _________ pierced my ear with a stud and a potato. Drank tons of Rainier beer. _________ walked across campfire in bare feet.

Sunday (day 7)
11-mile hike. Drank more Rainier and Busch beer.

next week: our first gig!

Meal Music

After a summer that can only be described as inconsistent, Jr.'s eating habits seem to be returning back to normal. Choosing the right breakfast/lunch/dinner soundtrack is important-- the music must be calming for both child and parent. Here's our top five:
1. Stone Flower - Antonio Carlos Jobim
2. Bright Size Life - Pat Metheny Group
3. Wave - Antonio Carlos Jobim
4. Greatest Hits, Etc. - Paul Simon
5. The Mollusk (tracks 1, 2, 7, 10, 13) - Ween

Careful when branching out, even within genres... Weather Report's Black Market was working splendidly until I jumped out of my seat during "Gibraltar," sending a bowl of mac'n cheese flying across the room. Free Jazz by Ornette Coleman was even worse-- the boy chewed a one-inch square off the corner of his bib.