Sunday, December 31, 2006

2112 (remaster)

I finally bought a copy of Rush's remastered 2112 this Christmas, waiting on a Space Mountain-like line at BestBuy. Every store should have a display of Rush reissues near the registers for $7.99 a pop! Think of all the gum and People magazines sold at supermarkets-- why not Rush CD's?

Of course, no bonus tracks here. It's hard to imagine anything extra in the world of Rush... sort of like getting a free beer at Yankee Stadium. C'mon, not even an alternate take of "Something For Nothing?" How about a demo of "Temples of Syrinx?" Not a fucking chance.

Anyway, the record still kicks ass after 30 years. Our favorite trio of Canadians were walking on thin ice after Caress of Steel (a good argument against releasing two albums in one year) back in 1975, and Mercury issued a short and simple edict: NO MORE (REALLY) LONG SONGS! I heard that Hugh Syme made his own private plea to Geddy to "take it down a notch or two," but who knows...

As we all know, the boys brought home the bacon with 2112. Still a fair amount of shrieking by Mr. Weinrib going on, but this album marks improvements on all fronts: sound, skill, songwriting and simplicity. The "2112" suite can be understood by any 14-year old with a brain (check your yearbooks!), and rocks pretty darn hard as well. Try explaining the "Fountain of Lamneth" to your stoned buddy during trig class. Hell, just try listening to it!

The fellas also made a nice move with side two's "Lessons," which begins like a weird outtake from Eat a Peach. Here's where Rush really starts to distinguish themselves from the rest of the prog pack: good pop songs that aren't necessarily hit singles. You used to get the feeling that a guy like Greg Lake or John Wetton really had to bust his ass to write that one catchy radio song on the album, and that's why he let the rest of the schmucks pick up the slack for the instrumental stuff. Rush stopped making that mistake with 2112.

"Grand Finale" kicks major Solar Federation butt with no regard for songwriting or anything else. Welcome to the NFL, boys! Your locker's down the hall next to Al DiMeola, John McLaughlin and that Jeff Beck character if he stops chasing the skirts. I even wrote a letter to Jimmy Carter back in '78 requesting that our national anthem be replaced by "Grand Finale". I suppose replacing "O Canada" would have been more appropriate, but I had no way of contacting P.M. Trudeau at the time.

Worth buying? Does Ayn Rand wear red lipstick? Of course, you idiot.

Rating: 4 out of 5

FUN FACT: An effort was made in the late 70's to "sync up" 2112 and Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory a la Dark Side of the Moon/Wizard of Oz. I've certainly never tried it, but I guess I can picture Gene Wilder hopping around to the tune of "A Passage to Bangkok"...

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Three of a perfect pair

Pistons at the Garden? My date and I headed down to 33rd St. expecting a complete laugher, and we had the pills to prove it. I had no idea we'd be treated to one of the best basketball games I'd ever seen.

Stephon Marbury was absolutely brilliant, peaking with three clutch free throws to send the game into the 2nd OT. He had confidence, poise and skill like I ain't seen all year. Way to go, you bum.

Frye, Curry, Lee, and ultimately Crawford sealed the deal for the Knicks. Rip Hamilton couldn't miss a shot all night (51 pts), so we clearly needed more than Steph stepping up. We got that from the "Baby Knicks" (minus Nate Robinson, who really is a goddamn baby) tonight, via shooting, toughness, rebounding and timeliness, respectively. The crowd loved David Lee so much tonight, he almost reminded me of Kurt Rambis of the 80's Lakers for a minute there. Then I realized that Lee can make layups, dunk, pass, and probably gets laid a lot-- he's nothing like Rambis at all.

It was a long game. My date was nodding off in the 4th quarter, passed out in the first OT, total flatline in OT 2, but made a miraculous Lazarus-like rise for the 3rd and final overtime period. An historic win for the Knicks by any standard. I didn't drink any alcohol at all, but instead gorged myself on pretzels, ice cream, N/A beer, and whatever prescriptions drifted through my transom. It worked very well-- I was completely cogent throughout the nearly four hour ordeal, except for the time I had to walk unaccompanied around the outside wall of the Garden for about 100 feet, doing my best impression of the prisoners on the island jail complex in Face/Off whose boots are magnetically drawn to the floor they try to walk on.

Bottom line: an energy was there that hasn't been for years and years. OK, maybe in weird isolated cases, but this was the Knicks building on an already strong homestand with a gutsy, emotional win in 3 OT's that truly united and electrified fans, players and staff alike. It meant something.

The Curry, Lee/Frye, Jeffries, Marbury, Crawford thing seems pretty damn nice. Let's give it a shot...

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Mysterious ways

This team is tough to figure. They look like they can't rebound to save their lives, but they actually lead the league in boards. Crawford looks like he can't hit Oprah's ass with the ball from 10 feet away, but he ends up with 30 points. Maybe I'm just not paying close enough attention.

Anyway, three wins in a row-- not too shabby. I'll be at the next home game on Wednesday against Philly. That's a boring prospect these days.

When I was seventeen...



Early 80's... just out of high school and getting laid on a regular basis.

The following sides were absolute winners for me every damn time-- no details are necessary.
Roxy Music- Avalon (1982)
Michael Jackson- Thriller (1982)
Prince- Dirty Mind (1980)
Rolling Stones- Tattoo You (1981)
Fleetwood Mac- Mirage (1982)
New Order- Power, Corruption & Lies (1983)

Others of my favorite hook-up cd's need a little more background:
Brian Eno- Apollo (1983): cheese factor could be dangerous, so play it quiet.
Billy Squier- Don't Say No (1981): perfect for coming home after a night out. Side 2 provides for moments of reflection and possibly even redemption.
R.E.M.- Reckoning (1984): Weirdly romantic.
Bill Laswell- Baselines (1982): When this disc works, it really works. Recommended for girls who talk about wanting to live in exotic locales but haven't left Suffolk County in many years.
Pat Metheny- 80/81 (1980): It's no Bright Size Life, but it works a similar magic.
Dire Straits- Making Movies (1980): This one's been real good to me. Ususally works out best if you can wrap things up before "Les Boys" kills the record and the mood.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Saturday night's alright...

Not much to say about this stupid fight. Nate Robinson's proven himself to be an idiot several times now, so that's not news. Jeffries and Collins were just trying to show they're real Knicks. I could really care less about what happens to Carmelo Anthony.

Dunno if Isiah will be suspended, but I predict the Knicks will win at least half of those games.

We had 6th row seats to last night's fiasco, but ended up singing karaoke instead. Planning on seeing Detroit next Wednesday night-- a brawling team in their own right.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Boston Massacre

Don't look at the score-- the Knicks got their asses kicked tonight. So they made a nice little comeback after going down by 30 at home-- so what!

Usual suspects here: Marbury plays like an idiot, Paul Pierce is on fire, Knicks can't make a free throw (this is a somewhat new problem), and everybody gets booed. Funny, I actually thought they were shouting "Q!!!!! Q!!!!!" at the beginning of the season. Now I know better.

I ended up watching Hoosiers on AMC for most of the game instead. Can we get Gene Hackman to coach the Knicks? Or at least get Jimmy as a shooting guard?

Speaking of white guys, it's kinda funny that the Knicks' David Lee wears #42. (Diamond) Dave is breaking the color barrier all over again, almost 60 years after his numbersake did it in Brooklyn...

Wednesday, December 6, 2006

how low can we go?

This season's already had more low points than a funeral on cough syrup, but tonight's worth noting anyway. It was the NBA's worst road team (Wizards) vs. the NBA's worst home team (us). We lost miserably.

Maybe the stratege du jour was "don't challenge guys too much on defense," because the Wiz scored 14 3-pointers (yes, 14 x 3 = 42 points!). Chants of "FIRE THOMAS!" filled the Garden (that was about the only thing filling the Garden) as the Knicks alternated between bricks and airballs. Kenny Smith claimed that the Knick bench is "filled with unknown quantities." I wish!!! These quantities are quite known, thank you. We know them to suck.

The only unknown quantity right now is time. I don't see how things can possibly improve for at least 2 years. In the meantime, I'll be thinking up new ways to make it through 48 minutes at a time of NY Knicks basketball (whippets? glue? sudoku? hookers? all of the above?)...

Sunday, December 3, 2006

Courtside Bums



Attended our second Knick game of the season last night. Amazing seats. At least the game was close.

Right before tip-off, a woman led her young son down the aisle next to us-- right down to the front row. The boy was blindfolded on the way in, so the mother could surprise the kid with the treat of a lifetime: courtside seats in the most famous arena in the world. Maybe she put the blindfold back on the kid once the Knicks started sucking all over the joint.

The Raptors are pretty much Chris Bosh and 5 or 6 enormous white guys. All of them can sink jumpers from anywhere on the court. Bosh absolutely torched the Knicks for the first half of play, and then kind of disappeared for a while. Probably the only thing that kept us in the game. He's a little weird-looking, but damn good.

It was "Legends Night" (or something like that) at the Garden last night. Which meant that Pat Ewing and John Starks were endlessly paraded on and off the court for cheap bids at applause. Clyde was too busy working for such silliness, and "Pearl" Washington really didn't seem to give a shit. Bernard King was not present.

Ten minutes or so into the game, two homeless guys staggered down the aisle in front of us, and right into the folding chair section on the floor. Security guys were squawking and motioning to each other as the bums were swarmed upon. To the amazement of the crowd, each of the winos promptly produced a crisp ticket for the night's event. How did these guys get tickets? Who the hell knows. One of them was passed out before the end of the third quarter.

John Starks mingled with the crowd a little bit near the end of the game, but blew off any and all fans not in possession of a large chest.

I realized last night that it's been over 6 years since I REALLY cared about an NBA game.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

All The Best Cowboys Have Chinese Eyes (remaster)

A beautiful mess? Beautifully frustrating? How about "arrrrrrrggggggghhhhhh..."

Finally picked up the reissue last week (I'm saving the good ones for the winter). This could truly be called a "transitional" record, in that it got Pete from the Who-ish Empty Glass to the visionary White City at the occasional expense of the listener. We get four truly great songs out of the deal, along with a few other decent cuts and some real clunkers.

Right from the start something smells funny with Chinese Eyes. "Stop Hurting People" is one of those songs that makes classic rockers uncomfortably glance around the room like somebody farted. Then Pete barrels us over with the too-long "Sea Refuses No River" for almost six minutes, complete with corny harmonica and over-intellectual phrasing. I always thought this song could have worked on Quadrophenia, but only with The Who's muscle behind it. The Butler/Phillips rhythm section is tight here (as always), but tight like an asshole instead of a left hook.


Just as you start walking over to put on the new Van Halen record (pretend it's 1982), "Prelude" brightens things for just long enough to make you sit back down. Then we're rewarded with "Face Dances Part Two"-- one of the great singles of the 80's. Pete nails it to the wall here (and in 5/4) for all time (I mean, when was the last time you actually danced to a song in 5/4? Don't gimme that Brubeck b.s.-- that's not really dancing.). Here's the marriage of 70's rock and 80's new wave that "Let My Love Open the Door" heralded two years back (try dancing to King Crimson and you'll sprain your damn ankle).


"Exquisitely Bored" is great, but then things return to the art-swamp. "Communication" pales in comparison to its future father "Face the Face", so don't even bother with it. In fact, check out "North Country Girl" and then skip to the end. No, not the crappy bonus tracks, the real last track.


"Slit Skirts" is easily one of Pete's top 20 moments (that's saying a lot). It's Who's Next for post-punk and post-everything. You can't fucking deny it. OK, there's at least one clunker of a line in there, but who cares? I sure don't.

Rating: 3 out of 5

Monday, November 27, 2006

Finger Lakes

Had an amazing vacation this past weekend in beautiful Geneva, NY. The self-proclaimed "Gem of the Finger Lakes" doesn't have a whole lot of competition up there, but so what...

First let me say that traffic was unbelievably light for Thanksgiving weekend. I drove from Long Island to Geneva by way of Manhattan (had to pick up my date)-- BOTH WAYS-- and hardly had to slow down. The only congestion was (as always) at the Delaware Water Gap on Rte.80. Probably people trying to figure out why they call it a "water gap" and not just a valley or bridge or something like that.

We stayed in a huge mansion from the early 1900's. We were in the "Dining Room" technically, but you wouldn't know it from the strict diet of chips, pretzels and wine we were on. Fireplace, jacuzzi, free toothbrushes-- we had it all. Not to mention a DVD player, which we kept running with about 15 hours worth of "The World at War" and season one of "The Wire" episodes. Things blended together a bit-- at one point I wondered aloud why Stringer Bell didn't just pop a cap in Himmler's ass after he intercepted the re-up.

Only one scary moment (aside from my spending Thanksgiving dinner at my grandmother's assisted-living facility with two stuck-together contact lenses in my left eye, making my eye look and feel like a microwaved onion) for the whole weekend: a more-or-less blacked out late night trip to the local supermarket (Wegman's) in our Chevy Cobalt. Inspection of our receipt the next morning confirmed our strange purchases: two packages of ball point pens, a pint of "Chubby Hubby" ice cream, 4 wine coolers and a cat toy. Don't ask.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

What the hell's going on with my favorite show?


The new season of Aqua Teen is seriously fucked up. The first two episodes featured Chinese food delivery guys eating human dicks, followed by guys getting raped by a dog named "Hand Banana". I actually stopped watching the show.

I tried picking it back up tonight, and it was even weirder. I think one of the main characters shot himself in the head. I wasn't really paying attention.

Chocolate explosion

Went to my first Knick game of the season last night. Unbelievable seats right behind the Knick bench-- I could practically strangle Isiah Thomas from where we were sitting. I didn't really get a chance, as Thomas was thrown out of the game for arguing with officials. I think he just wanted to get the hell out of there.

The Knicks opened the game with a 10-0 run against the Celtics. That didn't last long. Wally Sczrerzxbiiyak was scoring at will on Channing Frye, who looked like he had lead in his Keds. Paul Pierce did his usual combination of whining and dining on the court (39 pts), and the Celts won by 4. In all, not a terrible showing by the Knicks.

Lets get to the fun stuff:The Knicks City Dancers were mysteriously absent for the first half hour or so, including the game intro. Probably because somebody stole their entire wardrobe set. They finally pranced out onto the court in hideous-looking pale orange felt skirts, looking like extras from a middle school production of Peter Pan. I heard at least three different people say they looked like "fucking pumpkins."

We were also treated to the rhythms of the New York Sticks, a bunch of kids from some local music program. I liked it better when they just let that kid with the plastic bucket play for 10 minutes.

Things reached a cultural and creative high point with the halftime show of the
"Acko Airs" (?). A loosely-knit troupe of acrobats and gymnasts, the Airs were supposedly united by some sort of anti-drug message. Unfortunately, their performance was absolutely impossible to understand unless you were on some sorts of drugs, which I was. Truthfully, at that point I was simply relieved that I wasn't chosen for the halftime lay-up contest...

After the game we staggered over to 8th & 34th (about 200 feet away) for a raucous midnight showing of Borat, which was absolutely hilarious. Somebody shit diarrhea all over the men's room after the film, which led one group of drunk patrons to speculate that "it looks like Borat was in here..."

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Small Frye

Channing Frye's really stinking up the joint. He's scoring 3.3 points a game on 21% shooting, with almost no rebounds to speak of.

Thank G_d for Quentin Richardson, who I used to hate.

This is a pathetic blog.

Wednesday, November 8, 2006

Losing Isiah

Haven't written in a while because... the Knicks stink. Really stink.

I tried to make a fun thing out of Isiah not really caring about defense, but now we see he doesn't really care much about rebounding of any kind either. If all he cares about is offense, he's got the wrong bunch of guys-- they can't shoot to save their lives.

Zeke is proving to be a great quote machine, however:"I have zero favorites. I'll bench anyone."Yeah, I think we all have "zero favorites" on this crappy team (and as if benching a guy who sucks and everybody hates is somehow a ballsy thing to do)!

My favorite Knick? Clyde. Hands down.

Sunday, November 5, 2006

Tiny Beers

Kudos to Michael Heaton for taking me to see Stuart A. Staples (Tindersticks) at St. Ann's last night. Great show. So what if the drummer totally stole my look...

Thursday, November 2, 2006

Knicks win!

Last night's NY/Memphis game was just like an ugly breakup: it was painful, it went on for way too long, communication was poor, nobody took charge, and everybody involved should be ashamed of themselves. Nobody could shoot to save their life either.

The Knicks do seem to make their free throws, though. The Grizz were shooting from the line like they spent the afternoon drinking sizzurp with 8-Ball and MJG. Let's hope games against Houston, New Orleans, Atlanta and Charlotte include similar collaborations with dat purple drank...

Isiah really seems lost. How about these quotes:

"It's never pretty on the road. It's always ugly..."
"I knew there would be a point in the game we'd come unglued..."

Maybe he's onto something.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Over and out...

2nd and 1 on the Raiders' 1-yard line!!! You gotta be kidding me.

Oh well, it was fun. Shoulda went with the damn Giants this week.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

WICKED GARDEN 2: Chuck & Duck

The Knicks finally had to play a more-or-less full-strength team last night-- they allowed 138 points to be scored against them.

I take this as an encouraging sign. I don't think Isiah has the slightest care in the world about defense this year. None. He's gonna let guys fire from anywhere at any time-- maybe a few will go in! Richardson (ugh) and Crawford's dreadful shooting aside, it almost worked last night.

Isiah knows he has a shitty team this year, so why not let 'em run wild? Larry Brown's already been painted the guy that wouldn't let the Knicks "express themselves" last year, so Zeke's kinda smart if he just lets it all go. I know I'll enjoy the handful of games I usually go to if the Knicks can score 120 points or so each time-- I honestly don't care if they let up 150.

Busch league

Well, that was one of the crappiest WS games in recent memory.

Are there still people out there that want more "parity" in baseball? I think there's plenty. The damn Marlins almost made it this year! I really don't want to hear any more about payroll imbalances, because the Yanks are proving on a pretty consistent basis that there's more to it than that. Most of the playoff teams this year were ranked in the middle or lower salary-wise. Sure, the money helps-- but that's why they call it New York, right? Can you imagine us trekking up to BX to see a $70 million team?

Anyway, people can shove this year's World Series up their asses. I thought it sucked (obviously), but this was a nice argument against the usual whiners. You want "fair"? Here's some crappy games for you to enjoy. You want good old-time baseball cities and fans in the Series? You got it-- old white people waving white towels. I don't know how anybody on earth could make it through this without beer...

Thursday, October 26, 2006

oh yeah

Our Colts switcheroo was allowed by the powers that be, and Gizzola moves on to Week 8. Too bad eleven suckers bit it with the Jags, as well as 1 on SD and one on Seattle.

That means there's only 5 of us left. I'm 95% going on Pittsburgh at Oakland this weekend, with a slight chance I'll stick with the Giants at home. Eagles are still tempting, but not comfy enough...

prime time

Space Needle made a rather strange appearance on "Veronica Mars" this past Tuesday night. Of course I didn't see it-- something about a guy on a phone with "Never Lonely Alone" playing in the background for a nice little chunk of time. Final scene of the episode.

Next I think the Sopranos should use Anders Parker's "Doornail" while somebody's getting the shit kicked out of them.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Team Gizzola's waiting for an official ruling on our last-minute pick change last Friday afternoon. We originally had Jacksonville, but made a switch to the Colts around 4pm after learning about Byron Leftwich's ankle injury (he played, and the Jags got their asses kicked by the Texans (!)). So if our pick change went through, we're still alive...

WEEK 1: Cardinals
WEEK 2: Chargers
WEEK 3: Dolphins
WEEK 4: Cowboys
WEEK 5: Bears
WEEK 6: Broncos
WEEK 7: Colts (?)

Our Seahawks idea isn't looking so hot for week 8. The spreads say go with Philly (-6 v. Jags), Giants (-9.5 v. Bucs) or even Pittsburgh (-9.5 v. Raiders). I feel safest with the Eagles here... maybe I'll consult my man J.Cox on this one.
Got any better ideas?

Friday, October 20, 2006

the honeymoon's over...

Got a VERY drunk call tonight from one of my Met friends (we'll call him "M"). He was in pretty bad shape. I think he was trying to get me to say something bad about the Mets so he could fire right back at the Yanks, but I didn't really have much to say. M was screaming and hollering about the bullpen and guts and gameplans, and all I could think about was my eye doctor appointment tomorrow.
That's when I realized something: I wasn't really that upset this time around. Here's a chronicle of our most recent flops:

2001 WS Game 7: I threw 3 CD's across the room (breaking them), and slept through the night fully clothed with the lights on in a fetal position. Then I went to school the next morning and yelled at 8th graders.

2002 DS Game 4: After earlier storming out of a bar in Tribeca on date with new girlfriend, we decided to watch the game at home with some friends. Metallica was playing so loud that things were falling off the speakers and breaking. Then went to party in Tribeca and embarrassed many people.

2003 WS Game 6: Stumbled out of Stan's and took D train home. Didn't cause any trouble at all. Yelled at a few 8th graders that Monday.

2004 CS Game 7: Took 4 codeines and 2 Ambiens. Made a slurred promise to watch "a lot less sports for a few months," which I immediately broke by watching 10 straight Knick games.

2005 DS Game 5: Listened to Who's Next in its entirety and went to bed.

2006 DS Game 4: Ate a cold steak from Huntington Outback. My dad called and complained to Outback delivery because they lost his lobster tail.

You see, each year has gotten a little easier. Or maybe a little less important. Or less fun.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

whew

...and all is well again. if only wagner could have been the guy to blow it (again).

Monday, October 16, 2006

Nothin' but a Gizz thang

Gizzola keeps on movin' with Denver over Oakland in Week 6. Good thing we didn't take 'Skins over the previously hapless Titans...

We might need some help in the next 2 weeks. Any suggestions for Week 7 and Week 8? I'm thinking Seahawks for 7 (although this might be a good time to cash in on the Colts) and maybe even the Giants for 8. Either that or Colts 7, Seahawks 8. Huh???

WEEK 1: Cardinals
WEEK 2: Chargers
WEEK 3: Dolphins
WEEK 4: Cowboys
WEEK 5: Bears
WEEK 6: Broncos

Saturday, October 14, 2006

WICKED GARDEN 1: Lazy Knick players

Welcome to the first installment of Wicked Garden, where we'll be trashing the New York Knicks until April 18th (the last regular season Knick game a.k.a. the last game they'll play).

Let's start with the embarassment they called "first day of workouts." Isiah requested that all team members show up a bit early for informal workouts-- you know, to try to try get some team spirit going for the new season. I mean, it sounds like everybody's so excited to play for Isiah, right? So glad Larry's gone, right?

Maybe the letters were mailed to players' summer homes, or Isiah's secretary was too busy fending off sexual advances from her boss-- only four Knicks showed up. That's about the same number of guys that "showed up" for most games last season, on a good day. Of course, Frye and Lee were 2 of the guys that made it to practice... I wonder if Jalen Rose made it?

AIRLINE


Just now appreciating the fantastic show Airline on A&E. Way to go Southwest!

Sunday, October 8, 2006

JOHNNY B QUIET!

One more thing: Johnny Damon should shut his damn mouth about the Torre stuff... what the hell does he know about it? "Joe has been awesome... I think Joe should be safe."

Easy for you to say. Maybe Joe shoulda been gone after he let you and your dirtbag friends stomp all over us in the Bronx 2 years ago. Shut up and earn your fucking pinstripes, surfer boy.

JUDGMENT DAY

GUILTY:
Joe Torre
Alex Rodriguez
Randy Johnson
Jaret Wright
Gary Sheffield
Carl Pavano
Mike Mussina
Kyle Farnsworth
Cory Lidle
Octavio Dotel
Craig Wilson

INNOCENT:
Derek Jeter
Chien-Ming Wang
Jorge Posada
Robinson Cano
Bobby Abreu
Bernie Williams
Melky Cabrera
Scott Proctor
Mariano Rivera
Brian Bruney

IRRELEVANT:
Johnny Damon
Hideki Matsui
Sal Fasano
Ron Villone
Miguel Cairo
Andy Phillips
George Steinbrenner
Brian Cashman
3 for $10 beers at pizza joint

Saturday, October 7, 2006

YANKEE DOGHOUSE 27: Joe Torre

Am I the only one that thought it was a little weird having 5 left-handed batters against Kenny Rogers? Giambi at 1B? I don't see how this was supposed to be a good idea.

This could be the last installment of YDH for the season. Fitting that it's the elusive #27...

Wednesday, October 4, 2006

YANKEE DOGHOUSE 26: Yankee Stadium

What a disgrace. They cram people into Yankee Stadium as late as possible on a Wednesday night at $100 a pop, sell them a few beers in the rain at $10 a pop, and then tell 'em the game's cancelled. Apparently ESPN had already announced the postponement while the Stadium was still selling warm Bud Lite to the fans... how much can we take? Now people are supposed to skip work tomorrow? Thank god I didn't go tonight. This same kind of bullshit has gone on for the last few years up there.

Tuesday, October 3, 2006

fox rocks!

did everybody see the insane audioslave montage at the beginning of fox's yankee pre-game tonight? what the hell was that?! martin luther king jr... wendy o williams... was that a klansman at one point?!

i look to fox for safe, conservative, boring baseball coverage-- not for fucking altamont!

Monday, October 2, 2006

movin' on

Team Gizzola stays alive with a Cowboy stomp in week 4 of the Survivor Pool:

WEEK 1: Cardinals
WEEK 2: Chargers
WEEK 3: Dolphins
WEEK 4: Cowboys
The 'Skins might make a nice cheap pick for week 5...

Sunday, September 24, 2006

slim pickins

Team Gizzola stays in the 2006 NFL Survivor Pool with a 13-10 Dolphins victory this week. Considering Philly next week.

WEEK 1: Cardinals
WEEK 2: Chargers
WEEK 3: Dolphins

Sunday, September 17, 2006

YANKEE DOGHOUSE 25: Joe Torre

Looks like Ron Villone's arm might already be in the process of falling off. His last few appearances:

2.2 IP, 4 H, 6 ER, 5 BB

From the looks of things, Brian Bruney might be Torre's next victim. He should ask Tanyon Sturtze and Paul Quantrill exactly how it feels when the nerves in your arm begin to shred and detach from the shoulder.

Still alive

After Week 2 of the NFL Survivor Pool, Team Gizzola is still kickin'. Here's where we are so far:

WEEK 1: Arizona
WEEK 2: San Diego

Might have to resort to Pats or even Colts next week-- seems a little early in the season for that.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Big Poopi

David Ortiz should shut the hell up. Listen to this garbage:

"...they'll vote for a position player, use that as an excuse."
--Yeah, fielding doesn't really matter anyway.

"Come hit in this lineup, see how good you can be."
--What, you mean batting in front of Manny Ramirez?!

"I'm right there, but I'm not going to win it."
--Good, I hope you're also right there when Jeter wins the MVP and gets to play in the playoffs.

What a pathetic whiner. I've seen Ortiz do lots of amazing things, but this is just embarassing.

Wednesday, September 6, 2006

YANKEE DOGHOUSE 24: Al Leiter

The Singleton-Leiter broadcasting combo is far worse than the Singleton-Murcer tandem, which is obviously Leiter's fault. Al mumbles and stumbles his way through the game as if he hasn't prepared anything to say at all. He made a vow on FAN that he'd provide edgy and honest commentary on YES, and he's done nothing of the sort (Keith Hernandez has been way more dangerous with SNY).

I'd like to hear John Flaherty a lot more often (I don't really want to see him though-- and what the f#$k is up with David Justice's new look?). Must be some politics going on there, because Flash is way better than Al or O'Neill or any of the other dial tone ex-Yanks they prop up in the YES booth.

Saturday, September 2, 2006

YANKEE DOGHOUSE 23: Joe Torre

PLEASE REST RON VILLONE'S ARM!! PLEASE REST RON VILLONE'S ARM!! IT MIGHT FALL OFF!! IT MIGHT FALL OFF!!

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

YANKEE DOGHOUSE 22: Carl Pavano

He seems to fit the generally agreed definition of "in the doghouse" right now. Maybe he'll chop one of his fingers off working in the yard, or actually get bit by a dog!!

Sunday, August 27, 2006

YANKEE DOGHOUSE 21: Alex Rodriguez

This is absolutely mind-blowing.

A-Rod's numbers for the past 2 series:20 AB, 2 H, 14 K


Fourteen strikeouts!! I was ready to make Craig Wilson the object of my ire tonight (4 whiffs today), but then I realized how ridiculous that would be with A-Rod's "performance" of late. The guy seems like he's crawling out of his slump, and then manages to sink even lower.


Doesn't look like he's make it to .300 this year (I thought he would-- even as late as a couple of weeks ago), but he'll certainly make 30/110. His numbers will be comparable/better than 2004 (.286, 36 HR, 106 RBI), believe it or not, but he's gonna have a hard time undoing the damage he's done to his image. We'll be right back where we were a couple of months ago when the Yanks return home Tuesday night: raspberries galore for A-Rod. Except now we have a 6 1/2 game lead in the AL East.

Friday, August 25, 2006

AMERICA'S DRUNKEST CITIES

[from Forbes.com]

1. Milwaukee
2. Minneapolis-St.Paul
3. Columbus
4. Boston
5. Austin
6. Chicago
7. Cleveland
8. Pittsburgh
9. Philadelphia(tie) Providence

My personal performances in these cities:

1. Providence
2. Austin
3. Chicago
4. Philadelphia
5. Boston
6. Cleveland
7. Pittsburgh
8. Minneapolis
9. Columbus
10. Milwaukee

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

YANKEE DOGHOUSE 20: Avis

As Yankee fans, we shouldn't be surprised to receive a shoddy, crooked magnet with an Avis logo bigger than the interlocking "NY" on "Yankee Car Magnet Day." What did surprise me was the sight of none other than Sidney Ponson representing the Yankees at home plate with CEO's from Avis before the game. This is who the Yanks send out there to mingle with a car rental company?! The same Sidney Ponson that was charged with two DWI's in 8 months last year, along with a few other alcohol-related offenses (including punching a judge while drunk in Aruba)?!

Maybe Shane Spencer and Karim Garcia can join Ponson at the next event...

Monday, August 14, 2006

YANKEE DOGHOUSE 19: The "Gay-Rod" guy

At Saturday's game, some idiot came in and sat in my section with a blue shirt reading "13" and "GAY-ROD" on the back. The shirt said "YANKS SUCK" on the front. As anybody knows, t-shirts that say "suck" or any other nasty stuff are not allowed in Yankee Stadium-- they must either be removed, covered, or turned inside out.

Anyway, we gave the guy a hard time for a while (somebody even bought him a bag of nuts) until finally somebody made a formal complaint to security about his shirt. The staff discussed the situation amongst themselves, and then agreed that the shirt violated stadium policy. The idiot then put another shirt on over it (did he actually bring a spare??) and was promptly booed and then pretty much left alone. That is, until he turned to face the upper deck and delivered a pompous speech about "freedom of expression" and "people dying" to protect our rights. Who the hell died for this guy's "right" to wear a "GAY-ROD" shirt in Yankee Stadium??!!

Then I guess he cursed at security or something, and he was finally thrown out of the ballpark. His seven or so "friends" also left-- either the guy was driving or they just couldn't bear to be without him. I don't even think he was drunk.

Saturday, August 5, 2006

YANKEE DOGHOUSE 18: Mike Mussina

just kidding...

Friday, August 4, 2006

YANKEE DOGHOUSE 17: Yankee Promotions Dept.

They give away the worst crap at Yankee Stadium. The recent "gifts" from Mousepad Night and Picture Frame Night seriously look like they were designed by a 4-year old child. And "Yankee Poster Night" bore a cheap piece of shit no bigger than a sheet of looseleaf paper. Are we really to believe this is all they can afford?

Every damn time I go to Shea I get something great: duffle bags, Brita water pitchers, shirts, things I can actually use!!! Too bad they say "Mets" on em...

Thursday, July 27, 2006

YANKEE DOGHOUSE 16: Carl Pavano

Since the Yanks are doing just fine right now, let's turn our attention to the biggest waste of money since Kevin Brown. In fact, their numbers are uncannily similar:

Kevin Brown 2004-2005
14-13, 4.95 ERA, 205.1 IP, 239 H, 113 K, 54 BB

Carl Pavano 2005-2006
4-6, 4.77 ERA, 100 IP, 129 H, 56 K, 18 BB

Double Pavano's numbers to make up for this year's no-show performance, and you have a virtual copy of Brown's stats. There wasn't a soul in NYC that didn't want KB on the next bus to nowheresville for the last year so of his tenure-- we'd say the same about Pavano if we could find him!!!

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

BRONX CHEERS: booed Yanks at home 1997-2006

1. Alex Rodriguez
2. Hideki Irabu
3. Jeff Weaver
4. Chuck Knoblauch
5. Jason Giambi
6. Kevin Brown
7. Alan Embree
8. Esteban Loaiza
9. Armando Benitez
10. Denny Neagle

hon. mention: Felix Heredia, Sterling Hitchcock

Monday, July 24, 2006

YANKEE DOGHOUSE 15: Alex Rodriguez

Sorry for the inactivity-- I've been driving around the damn southeast for a week...

I want A-Rod to succeed as much as anyone on earth, but I support the god-given right of any paying ticketholder to boo the bejesus out of him. Does it help? Of course not! But there's a real easy way to get us to stop, isn't there?!

I had a vision recently (after a few 24 oz. Heineys) of all 50,000+ of us storming the field at Yankee Stadium and beating the shit out of some of the guys-- A-Rod, maybe Randy Johnson, even Kelly Stinnett, etc. That might put a stop to all the bullshit, and maybe some of these guys would loosen up a bit. Clear the air, if you will.

Now THAT would be worth the $9.75 Heinekens.

Wednesday, July 5, 2006

YANKEE DOGHOUSE 14: Joe Torre

I realize that just about every guy that Torre put in got shelled, but is it necessary to use the entire bullpen when we're getting scalped in double digits? Put ANYBODY in for 4 or 5 innings, and they're bound to get a few outs. How about Miguel Cairo-- he can probably pitch if he has to. Put Jon Pauley in for chrissakes!

Happy birthday, Mr. Steinbrenner.

Sunday, July 2, 2006

YANKEE DOGHOUSE 13: Jon Pauley

Randy Johnson gets a break here...

Jon Pauley smoked in my living room, took my Yankee book, dragged us halfway across Harlem to a party, and spilled about five beers. He also claimed he bowled a 220 at Ballpark Lanes (he didn't), tried to buy beer at Duane Reade (you can't), and arm-wrestled several girls.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

YANKEE DOGHOUSE 12: Kyle Farnsworth


Ugggggghhhhhhhhhh................

Thursday, June 22, 2006

YANKEE DOGHOUSE 11: Ozzie Guillen

A-Rod just hasn't been the same since his heritage went under the microscope earlier this year. I blamed Alex himself 100% for this at the time-- now I realize it was all Ozzie Guillen's fault. In fact, Guillen's done nothing but act like an idiot since he won the damn World Series.

But now he's gone way way too far.

On Jay Mariotti: "What a piece of shit he is, fucking fag."

Did he just crawl out of a cave? Just the White Sox dugout? I'll be at Yankee Stadium on July 14th and 15th booing the bejesus out of this troglodyte.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

YANKEE DOGHOUSE 10: Alex Rodriguez

Not that Randy's done anything to earn his way out of bad favor, but this shit with A-Rod's getting ridiculous. Painful to watch. Randy Johnson's almost 43 years old, for chrissake! A-Rod's just a basket case.

Tuesday, June 6, 2006

CURTAINS FOR CURTAIN CALLS!!!

Enough already with the curtain calls at Yankee Stadium! Is it really necessary for Jason Giambi to come out and tip his hat every time he hits a goddamn home run?! I'd rather watch Lastings Milledge hug every last cretin in Flushing on his way out to right field than have to see one more pathetic "tribute" to a guy just for doing his job.

Sunday, May 28, 2006

FUN YANKEE PUZZLE!!!

Match the following Yankees with their current/recent injuries:

1.Shawn Chacon 2.Bubba Crosby 3.Johnny Damon 4.Octavio Dotel 5.Jason Giambi 6.Derek Jeter 7.Randy Johnson 8.Hideki Matsui 9.Carl Pavano 10.Jorge Posada 11.Mariano Rivera 12.Alex Rodriguez 13.Gary Sheffield 14.Tanyon Sturtze

(a)tear in right rotator cuff (b)bruised left wrist (c)left leg hematoma (d)strained right hamstring (e)left wrist fracture (f)recovery from elbow surgery (g)bone chip above right elbow (h)broken bone in right foot (i)left hamstring tendon tear (j)flu-like symptoms (k)mild sprain of right hand (l)whiplash (m)back spasms (n)bruised ego

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

The old 7-8-9 punch...

Michael Kay brought up an interesting query last night:

When was the last time three Yankee outfielders batted 7-8-9 in the lineup?

Saturday, May 20, 2006

YANKEE DOGHOUSE 9: Randy Johnson

I paid $50 to be humiliated in goddamn Queens again.

We'll deal with Mariano another time.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Jason Giambi: King of the weird ailments

First he had a pituitary tumor and a parasite(?) and now it's "whiplash"... what's next? Dropsy? Lumbago?

YANKEE DOGHOUSE 8: Tanyon Sturtze

I know, he's hurt and not really on the team any more. I just want to give Randy Johnson one more chance-- namely, this Friday night.

The "Big Unit" (starting to sound more like something off the $1 value menu than a Cy Young winner) can redeem himself by shutting down the Mets (Pedro?) in the first game of the series this weekend. In fact, if he gives a dominating performance I'll never complain about the bastard again... just show me SOMETHING!!! I just can't pay $50 to be humiliated in goddamn Queens again.

Friday, May 12, 2006

YANKEE FART ALERT

I swear to god Michael Kay farted during the broadcast last night. Listen to the "Yankee Replay" this morning if you don't believe me. I think it was the bottom (tehee) of the 4th inning-- there's a pause in the conversation and a clear and concise "PPPFFFT" can be heard. The fart is followed by another lull, and then Kaat and O'Neill mysteriously disappear for the rest of the inning. I guess it could have been one of those guys, but...

Tuesday, May 9, 2006

YANKEE DOGHOUSE 7: Randy Johnson

Yes, Tanyon Sturtze was horrible once again tonight (5 hits, 3 ER in one inning). Yes, A-Rod was absolutely miserable (2 errors, GIDP) and should double his time with his shrink. Melky Torre Bernie Damon blah blah blah...

Let's place some blame where it REALLY belongs for the night. I don't care how much money he makes (with their payroll!!??) or how many runs he gives up-- I'm pissed about his crappy attitude.

Randy Johnson dismissed tonight's game and pitching matchup as no big deal and performed accordingly. I don't give a fuck if you pitched against Nolan Ryan-- it wasn't in the Bronx against the Red Sox. He's gone well beyond "clubhouse cancer" by now-- you could almost see his face in dozens of Yankee urinals in the middle of the 4th tonight. "CANO" jerseys outnumbered "JOHNSON"'s three to one.

He'll probably end up with similar numbers this year as he had last year, which weren't bad at all. But I'm officially finished with sticking up for this jerk. At least until he beats the Mets.

Thursday, May 4, 2006

YANKEE DOGHOUSE 6: Tanyon Sturtze

How does that song go... Midas in reverse? He's like a dark cloud hovering over the mound, threatening to unleash a downpour of walks and dingers. No way he survives the returns of Pavano and Dotel.

Friday, April 28, 2006

YANKEE DOGHOUSE 5: Alex Rodriguez


I don't really care what the stats say (although I'm pretty sure they say plenty), and I know he's been aces in the field, but Jesus Christ! This guy squashes more rallies than Giuliani! I think he voted for Bush, too.

I made a big stink about Sheffield screwing up the batting order-- maybe it's A-Hole that needs to be demoted to 6th...

GREAT GROOVES OF THE 80's

"Let's Dance"- Tony Thompson
"Spirits in the Material World"- Stewart Copeland
"Everybody Wants to Rule the World"- Manny Elias
"Sledgehammer"- Manu Katche
"Give Blood"- Simon Phillips
"Out of Touch"- Mickey Curry
"Tom Sawyer"- Neil Peart
"No Reply At All"- Phil Collins
"One Thing Leads To Another"- Adam Woods
"Love is a Battlefield"- Myron Grombacher
"(Oh) Pretty Woman"- Alex Van Halen

Thursday, April 27, 2006

YANKEE DOGHOUSE 4: Hideki Matsui


Over the last 4 games (all at home) Hideki's a combined 2 for 17, with 13 marooned baserunners. Am I the only one noticing our Japanese superstar yawning every once in a while? Give him a day off for chrissakes!!! He's got a lot of backlogged porn to catch up on!!

Saturday, April 22, 2006

YANKEE DOGHOUSE 3: Andy Phillips

Hey whiff machine!!!

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

YANKEE DOGHOUSE 2: Gary Shitfield

Looks like Sturtze has a "back injury"-- that's an easy ticket out of the doghouse.

Sheffield broke the camel's back tonight with a muffed fly ball that's been waiting to happen for several years now. He spoiled a gutsy, gritty center field performance by J.D. with a half-assed who-gives-a-shit dropped catch in right. Tonight's hot topic should have been "how do we get Giambi to DH?"-- at least Giambi tries to field and throw. Sheff's attitude stinks.

YANKEE DOGHOUSE 1: Tanyon Sturtze

With the possible exception of Jaret Wright, "Sturtzie" is the only active homeboy getting booed on sight. Proctor pretty much has his job right now, and Small's return is getting closer. Sturtze has always looked like a deer in the headlights, but now he's starting to act like one. Or, still acting like one.

Monday, April 10, 2006

Sopranos gossip

my brother jerry knows a guy on the sopranos set-- he told me meadow gets really drunk in an upcoming episode and sleeps with christopher! i don't believe it, but he swears he heard it from one of the assistants...

Saturday, April 8, 2006

dregs

here's a fun idea:
what's your favorite dregs album of all time? i might have to go with "free fall"- although a lot of you might disagree with me!

Thursday, April 6, 2006

bay blunders

familiar yankee patterns return:

cano's late inning fumbles, setup problems in bullpen, a-rod's untimeliness, bernie's whiffs, outfield adventures...

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

ouch

my elbow's been acting up again-- time for some more painkillers...

Saturday, March 25, 2006

cano you got soul food?

i think robinson cano has put on at least 20 pounds since last october.