Delta Blues (Crisis in Georgia)

[this entry originally appeared in a much longer version, and was edited for content]

1. Flight to Atlanta (connecting to Oklahoma City) sits for 90 minutes on tarmac at LGA. Baby is on board.

2. Connection to OKC missed by 10 minutes. Told by rep that Delta is "not responsible". Our luggage is nowhere to be found.

3. Left to find own hotel room for night in Atlanta with no toiletries, no change of clothes, and three diapers. Ground transportation is a nightmare, so we huddle into an unaffiliated van with other lost souls.

4. Alarm clock in hotel room emits loud digital interference approximately every 20 minutes, making sleep impossible.

5. Arrive in OKC late next morning.

Diet for trip:

Peanuts

Domino's pizza

Char-grilled chicked sandwich w/fries

Potato chips

Salad w/char-grilled chicken

Snickers bar

Yogurt

Breaded chicken sandwich

12" Spicy Italian

10-piece Chicken McNuggets w/fries

Peanuts

Pretzel Nuggets

Oreo Cookies

Philly cheesesteak sandwich

Ben and Jerry's choc. chip cookie dough ice cream

Peanuts

Assorted sodas

6. Return flight to Atlanta sits on tarmac in rain for 45 minutes.

7. Connecting flight to LGA delayed 45 minutes.

8. Connecting flight delayed additional hour. Surrounded by TV sets, none of which are showing the Olympics.

9. Insane woman threatens to stop plane from taking off until someone finds her "fucking bag". Another woman across aisle was thrown off previous flight for smoking in bathroom. Same woman exclaims at one point, "Delta blows!"

10. Home at 1:45 AM.

This graphic ran in the New York Times as part of a feature on the "new Ok(l)ahoma City"...

Men's Gymnastics

We've just been alerted that we're watching "must-see Olympic gymnastics".

One of the Chinese gymnasts is sprinkling talc powder over his own head in a bizarre, ritualistic fashion. Hopefully he'll catch Lebron James at some point this week and learn how it's done.

Apparently this is being shown live. After watching so much crap that's already happened, this feels weird. Am I peering into the future? Is Al Trautwig trapped in some sort of time warp? Was getting stoned tonight a mistake?

Looks like the U.S. guys are about to do their floor routines. This first guy (Justin Spring) doesn't seem that good. The announcer just called his performance a "slight mess-up". Jeez, it looks amazing in slo-mo!

The next guy (Joe Hagerty) didn't waste any time-- he fucked up his routine immediately. Not only did he stumble and almost break his ankle, but he stepped out of bounds twice. Or, "not real bad, but not good". Shamed, Hagerty's now stripping off his clothes in front of everyone.

The Japanese guy they're showing now looks like Federico from Six Feet Under. That makes sense, because half the American team looks like David.

Now this guy was good. Jonathan Horton is my new favorite gymnast. Or, "MVP times ten!" Trautwig should've brought Clyde with him from New York to do color commentary. "Flipping and slipping... dancing and prancing... "

Joe Hagerty just waved to the camera like an idiot for about ten seconds. Gosh, I've seen more attitude in a Pampers commercial.

Cool, the pommel horse. I tried this once and nearly broke my neck. They should have a reality show where regular schmucks have to perform full all-around gymnastics routines. The rings would be absolutely hilarious.

I like this guy Rav that replaced Paul Hamm. The other alternate, Alexander something, is walking around like he has a bad case of 'roids. I doubt they test for that...

I dunno, I have a hard time getting into the flow of these team competitions. It takes so long for the lead to change-- it's like watching 80 baseball games in one night.

Yikes, Joe Hagerty just yelled "That's how we roll!!!" in front of the camera. He's the Michael Kay of the team. He seems about as agile as Kay, too.

See, it feels like we're catching up, but who the hell knows?

Al: "Anyone that's Chinese and near a television set is watching this..." That would make this particular program the highest rated show in the history of global television. Hey, maybe it is?!

I'm running out of power. Gotta go...

You win some, you win some...

As the Yankees spiral down into the abyss, I'll share an interesting scenario with you...

Background: I pretty much never bet against the Yankees. I'm not one of yer "bet with your head, not with your heart" kinda guys, you see. I've lost money in recent years making absurd NY-centric predictions (Mike Mussina winning the Cy Young, Robinson Cano winning a batting title (this year!), etc.), and I've lost face making spontaneous/drunken Yankee wagers (forced to grow mustache for 30 days, free homeworks for students, etc.). I just don't bet against my team-- ask anyone.

I happen to have tickets to the final regular season game at Yankee Stadium this year, which is any year (unless a tiebreaker is required, a weird make-up game is scheduled, etc.). These tickets suck-- they're two of the worst non-LF bleachers seats available in the park. But, they're mine.

Given the Yanks' sorry state of affairs at the moment, I find myself in a rare "win-win" situation with my team. Of course I hope we make the playoffs this year, believe me. If we do, the problem of predicting and purchasing the "last game" arises (this will be ugly). Personally, I'll go with "Game 2" of any series (whether it's 5 or 7 games, home or away team), which doesn't really have to be the second game of a series, of course. Still, that's a nasty call to have to make.

So, if we don't make the playoffs, I'm rewarded with the last Yankee game ever at the Stadium. I guess the worst scenario is making the playoffs, buying tickets to a game that isn't really the last one somehow, and getting knocked out of the postseason. Ouch.

Forgive me if my tone isn't suitably shitty these next couple of months... I'm just trying to stay positive.

Women's Road Cycling

It is absolutely pouring out there for the women's road cycling event. I just saw a nasty wipeout, resulting in a horrifying tangle of flesh, spandex and magnesium (?). It looks like one of our cyclists (Kristin Armstrong) is doing OK, but after the crash I just saw, I'll hold my breath until the end.

This seems insanely dangerous. They're flying around curves in the pouring rain on skinny little bikes with wobbly wheels.

Men's Water Polo

The NBC coverage was so boring that I switched to Telemundo,where I found Spain vs. Greece in men's basketball. Spain looks pretty good-- quite a year they're having.

Now NBC has USA vs. China in men's water polo. Another sport I've never had a feel for. It looks like a game a bunch of kids play in a pool. I'm waiting for Kevin's mom to come out and bring us all peanut butter & jelly sandwiches.

I had a roommate that played for his college water polo team. I went to a couple of his games-- mainly to catch a glimpse of his teammate with huge boobs as she emerged from the pool. It must've been a coed team (?).

Hey, how is that allowed?! One of their guys just tried to drown one of our guys. This is probably a much harder sport than I thought. Who knows what sort of foul play goes on under the waterline...

One of the Chinese athletes just threw the ball into our net... GOOALLL!!! I was sure he'd broken a major rule there, but apparently that's all you have to do. I figured you had to bounce or kick the ball into the net-- throwing it just seems so easy. I really must not have been paying attention at my old roommate's matches.

I just learned that you're not allowed to hold the ball under water. There goes my idea of hiding the ball down your swimming trunks and swimming past everybody. Also out is diving to the bottom of the pool with the ball, and then releasing the ball so it fires like a torpedo at the opponent's net.

Men's Beach Volleyball

I haven't watched much of this before. I guess I'm a little surprised that they're not playing on a beach. Maybe they don't have beaches in China. I mean, the sand looks great, but...

The U.S. is competing against Latvia right now. Wouldn't think we'd have too much of a problem here. The Latvians (Plavins/Samoilovs) are a handsome pair, although they probably have about 32 years of age between 'em. They were caught on camera horsing around on a bench right before the match.

Much hoopla before the Games about allowing the beach volleyball players to compete bare-chested. I was disappointed to learn that this only applied to men, of course. Anyway, I'm not sure the movement will have tremendous support on the merits of the American team-- the towering Phil Dalhausser looks too much like James Carville.

It appears that the U.S. lost the match, although I'm not sure if it's best-of-three or best-of-five. Doesn't look like they're coming back to the sand, so we must've lost. Pretty sure that's condsidered an upset.

The Greatest Show on Earth

I'll try to explain what I just saw: Chinese dancer/acrobats performing on a giant digital canvas as it unfurls across the stadium... dancer/acrobats then "paint" on canvas digitally with their hands... the beautiful result is then displayed to the crowd. Welcome to the 2008 Beijing Olympics.

I think Yanni is performing at this point. Thousands of identically dressed and featured men just burst out of a series of undulating boxes in the center of the stadium. The announcer just explained what we're seeing, and I still don't understand it at all. This is gonna be a long night.

Looks like it's Bob Costas, Matt Lauer, and some guy named Joshua Cooper Ramo. "Josh" is an expert on Chinese culture, and is explaining the signifigance of everything we're seeing.

Cool, we're back to the giant digital canvas. An impossibly beautiful dancer is twirling stuff to and fro, while about a hundred guys (slaves?) carry the giant canvas around.

BC: Who are these guys? At least a thousand blue soldiers just "invaded" the stadium. They're armed with either giant oars or giant feathers. Either way, I think we're all safe.

Now there's an impossibly weird guy in the middle of the show, carrying an enormous wooden bowl and spoon. I'm not sure where he went. Cut to commercial.

JCR: Oh by the way, this culture invented printing and paper.

Now I understand... the guy who did House of Flying Daggers designed the show. That's either really cool or sort of disappointing. Now the Chinese Elton John is playing a piano duet with a small child. This is making Super Bowl halftime look like a high school talent show.

I'm not sure who these girls are on the right, but they're certainly capturing the Olympic spirit.

2008 Chinese guys in white outfits are arranged in perfect concentric circles across the stadium floor. Now they're sprinting across the floor in alternating rows. BC: One false move and we're talking about some smashed craniums here!

OK, I'm turning this off-- the performers are walking sideways and upside-down around a giant globe-lamp. I'll let you know when the sports start.

PavanoWatch III

Another nice job by Carl "Idle" Pavano tonight. The $11,000,000 man pitched 3 2/3 scoreless innings, allowing just one hit and fanning four. Hopefully he'll be following Sir Hughes over to Scranton sometime soon... Phil allowed one run and three hits over 4 2/3 tonight against the dreaded PawSox.

Of course, the press was all over the Health Fair angle for Pavano's start tonight. Too bad I broke the story yesterday, punks!

"One World One Dream"

Be sure to check in often for top-notch Beijing Olympics coverage here at Lee's Steez. I might not have cable, but I still get NBC...

I'll be on location in Oklahoma City next week for a portion of the Olympiad. I was also out there for the World Cup a couple of years ago, and I watched three games a day. Something about OKC just makes you want to watch sports on TV. Lots of it.

Unfortunately, my plans to cover the Games from Beijing in person were dashed by Chinese bureaucracy. An ugly incident from my past involving SUNY Geneseo property reared its ugly head, and I was denied access. Probably for the best.

PavanoWatch II

C.P.'s movin' up to the big leagues! He's scheduled to start for the AA Trenton Thunder against the Akron Aeros tomorrow night in, um, Trenton. In what could be the most appropriate promotion night of the year, Horizon Blue Cross Blue Shield will be conducting an on-site "Health Fair" during the game. I'm assuming Carl will be available for autographs (casts, 'scripts, etc.)

Pavano's second start for Charleston over the weekend wasn't too shabby: 3 IP, 1 ER, 0 BB. The RiverDogs had a funny promotion of their own a few nights prior to this game-- lucky fans (males) were offered a free prostate exam upon arrival at the stadium. I kid you not.

Speaking of not kidding, looks like Pavano and Hughes could be a lot more important than we thought. With Joba's recent injury, the Yanks are certain to give the gimpy gents a go. Hughes is pitching for AAA Scranton tomorrow night against the PawSox.