Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Exercising While Intoxicated

Readers send me links, pictures, stories etc. all the time-- there's no way I could possibly get to all of them. Here's a nice one courtesy of one SeƱor Pants, along with some thoughts by yours truly.

The piece I'm talking about is from a fun new blog about drinking. Specifically, competitive drinking. The author performs a feat of epic proportions that you'll just have to read about yourself.

Here are some kinda relevant drinking feats of my own (or at least ones I've heard about):

1. The 100 Club - I'm not a member, and I've never even tried it. The idea is to drink 100 beers in a weekend, 72 hours worth (varying accounts might have you believe 5pm Thursday to midnight Sunday, but I think 72 hours is fair).

The regulations for this exclusive club are a little unclear in other areas as well. Are you allowed to puke? One friend of mine insisted, "NO WAY." Of course normal bathroom visits should be allowed, but what about secret vomits? We initially agreed that one plastic garbage can (we lived in a dorm!) in the middle of the room was fair for all functions including hurls, and then thought maybe we should be able to #2 on our own. I don't see how you could police the throw-up rule without major problems. Oh, and no drugs allowed.

God knows we talked about this one enough back in college. Of course, we over-analyzed this one to death, and came up with several approaches. I was always a "boot-and-rally" theorist-- drink until you puke or pass out, someone wakes you up, repeat, etc. Trying to plan it out seemed ludicrous. My friend claimed he had a "pacing plan" that should work, but it was never taken seriously by anyone. Wouldn't the 100 club have to be boot-and-rally, no matter what?

Didn't matter, 'cause it never happened. Our bickering about the rules slowly gave way to reasons why there was no possible way we could do it, except our reasons never included our drinking abilities. First it was financial... "There's no way we can possibly afford to buy 300 or 400 beers at one time!" That was sort of true, but not really. Then it became, "There's no way we have time to do this! When can we find 72 hours in a row with nothing to do except drink?!" This was outrageously false. We were able to find hundreds, maybe thousands of consecutive hours to do nothing but drink on a regular basis, but on no occasion were 100 beers consumed by one person during a 72-hour interval within said benders.

Finally, we settled for "I'll bet you so-and-so could do it." Arguing about who could or couldn't do it was as close as we ever got.

2. I lost a Monday Night Football bet once and had to drink two 64 oz. Colts in 20 minutes. I lost another bet around the same time and had to drink a warm six-pack of something nasty in some short amount of time, which didn't go well at all. People stopped making "the loser has to drink..." kinds of bets with me a while ago, and not because I'm such a prolific drinker.

3. This isn't really the same as what dj tennessee did, but I once sprinted about 20 blocks down Lenox Ave drunk on at least 13 beers in the middle of the night. The Miracle Mile, as I called it the next afternoon.

2 comments:

Joey Itckovicz said...

The century club was to be over a WEEKEND?!? I thought you said, "day!" I couldn't quite get to 50 in a 19 hour period. Mostly Pabst, Busch and Meister Brau, but I counted a Colt .45 40 oz as five beers because of the added alcohol content, and I felt that so many beers in, I deserved extra credit. It might not have been as bad as it became, except for the resultant loss of judgment and the Kamchatka vodka that I got in to after the beer supplies were exhausted. I slept for a very long time after that, for me, which means about 8 - 9 hours. I still felt like death when I awoke and I lost my sense of smell for a couple days --which may have been a good thing. Less of an unexpected negative effect, and more of a defense against the numerous minor stimuli that might have made me puke. It was several hours later that I resumed the race, after I realized few things could help my head as much as beer, and after enjoying some of those few other things that did help. However, I started losing interest in the project, possibly the hint of a sense of self preservation kicking in, and only drank about another case of beer in the next 40 hours, bringing my total to about 72 beers in 72 hours; or 68 if you overcorrect my Colt 40 maltmathics in the other direction and give me credit only for one. Hmm... maybe i need a pseudonym. ... ... ...yes, do not forget that I am a pseudonym. Lee, this is your alter ego speaking to you.

Joey Itckovicz said...

P.S. did you refer to me as a "so-in-so" in the last paragraph of item 1?