Yankees 9, Mariners 5

Sorry for the extended absence. I've been so busy stockpiling prescription drugs in preparation for my "Eddie Van Halen vs. Allan Holdsworth" piece that I just haven't had the time to write.

I attended Saturday's contest against Seattle with noted polymath and beer snob enthusiast Charles Simone. Lee Jr. gets along real well with pretty much all of my friends, but the kid seems to have a special bond with Chuck. Probably due to CS's clutch babysitting performance last summer while Mz whisked me across town to get my bladder drained, but who's keeping track?

We got to the game just on time, and realized that this might be our tenth year going to Yankee games together. Both being suckers for tradition, we indulged in our usual fare: drinking, gambling, and trivia.

I immediately presented Charles with a choice that would govern our beer consumption for the afternoon. We would either
1) drink a beer every time the lead changed (including the first run of the game, but excluding ties), or
2) be required to preface any beer order made with the word fucking, i.e. "I'll have two fucking Guinnesses, please."

Charles wisely chose #1. We also made our picks for the "dollar game"-- a simple system of bonuses and penalties based on hitting performances by several players of our choice. Within minutes we were frantically exchanging singles and ordering drinks with Javy serving up deep dongs to Ichiro and Russell Branyan, whom Chuck had on his dollar payroll. Like the morning after an ill-advised hookup, things were looking ugly real fast.

Turned out to be a false alarm, as we virtually broke even on our wagering, the Yanks came back in spades, and we were restricted to only two beers for the afternoon. Kept in check by circumstance, we resorted to a Bacchanalian festival of baseball and music trivia.

Chuck struck first by requesting the only active pitchers residing within the top 100 of all time in career strikeouts. I made it with a few nice hints, but wilted under CS's tough follow-up (active sac bunt career leaders), even with a few nice hints.

I was dreadfully underprepared in the trivia department, but I managed to slap together a couple of nifty "discussion" pieces. Me and my pals have gotten lots of mileage out of these before (bands named after non-vocalists, "classic" bands with more crappy releases than good ones, etc.), sometimes for weeks on end. We began with one that seems idiotic at first: the eight best metal bands of all time.

Maybe we should have anticipated that the toughest part would be defining "metal bands." Or, distinguishing metal from "hard rock." I honestly can't remember what Charles and I actually settled on that day, but here's how it looks after a few tweaks:

1. Black Sabbath
2. Metallica
3. Led Zeppelin
4. AC/DC
5. Iron Maiden
6. Slayer
7. Judas Priest
8. **Motorhead

**The original list had Nirvana on it, which was ruled inadmissible via the very argument I presented in defense of Kurt Cobain. CS would've liked to see Kiss, Motley Crue or possibly Van Halen in the 8-spot, while I was exploring absurd alternatives like Def Leppard or Cream.

Neither of us were comfortable with the inclusion of Zeppelin or AC/DC, but can you really turn your back on "Black Dog" or "Hells Bells"? Honestly, we just couldn't come up with anything better.

I later consulted one of the only people on the planet I'd actually listen to on this one (along with Pete C in AZ, my kids' babysitter, and a guy named Al I went to high school with)-- my buddy Grit. I hope he doesn't mind me printing his excellent choices:

1. Black Sabbath
2. Metallica
3. Kyuss
4. Iron Maiden
5. Motorhead
6. Judas Priest
7. Slayer
8. Anthrax/S.O.D.

We also debated songs whose live version is better known than the studio version but I really don't want to get into this one right now. I'm going to bed.