Stupid Subway Tricks

Riding the subway gets pretty boring after 5000+ swipes per year, so why not have some fun while you're at it? Here are some good, clean ways to help pass the time:

1. Stand on the edge of the platform and look frantically down the track for the next train (like everybody else), except look in the wrong direction. It's even funnier when you make exasperated gestures, complain loudly, etc.

2. Blab away on your cell phone in between stations, even though no reception exists at all. Especially nice in tunnels between Manhattan and Brooklyn, or especially long express stretches (59th to 125th on A train).

3. Rehearse dialogue from an imaginary screenplay, loudly and by yourself. The lines should be some combination of absurd, pretentious, offensive, and intermittently en français.

4. Sketch the person sitting across from you, and look as serious as you possibly can. The sketch must never be seen by anyone.

5. Lift extremely light weights repeatedly, or jog in place, or perform some other form of totally lame exercise on the train. Breathe heavily and moan a lot.

6. Work on the NY Times crossword in a very obvious and obnoxious way. Be sure to make annoying comments to yourself, chuckle a lot, and look around the train for approval. This is really funny on Mondays.

7. Scrawl random mathematical calculations on several pieces of paper, with an extremely worried look on your face. Accompany your work with visual measurements of various parts of the subway car (height of doors, people's feet, etc.).

8. Ask the person next to you for directions to part of New York that is absolutely as far as possible from where the train is currently headed. A remote and potentially dangerous location is preferable.



Lemme know how it goes!