Yankees 10, Orioles 7

I can already hear it:"OK, but let's see him do it against a good team!""Yeah, but I'd like to see A-Rod deliver in the playoffs!""He needs to do this in the World Series..."

A-Rod might need to hit two walk-off grand slams in one Fall Classic to truly rid himself of the stigma. It's gotten that ridiculous. Even after yesterday's heroics, it's not over. Not by a long shot. A walk-off, bases loaded long shot.

Somewhere in between his mammoth home runs yesterday, things did seem to be improving slightly. He still got booed, but most of the razzers had to laugh at themselves while they did it. A-Rod occupies a truly bizarre spot right now: he's not going back and forth between hero and goat-- he's actually both at the same time. I'm still trying to figure out why my "PA-RA-DOX!!! PA-RA-DOX!!!" chant hasn't caught on up in the Bronx this year.

Looks like A-Rod himself is catching on to the folly. He's already called himself a "moron" and a "fool" in this short season, along with his 3 titanic dongs. Wait a second... it's possible that A-Rod's simultaneous gore and glory might make us all aware of our own inconsistencies as human beings, therefore enlightening us all! He can act as a mirror, reflecting the fact that we're all deeply flawed yet ultimately perfect! Hallelujah!!!

Kei Igawa seems a bit closer to the deeply flawed side so far. A bit painful to watch. I'm not sure what the "adjustments" will be before his next start.

NOTES:
A really drunk guy tumbled at least five rows down in the upper deck in the middle of the game, which was by far the most exciting moment until that point. Apparently he fell over a vendor-- either a case of beer or a hot dog box. The drunkard was out cold for about 5 minutes after his fall. He was escorted out to wild applause, unlike our starting pitcher.

The Yankees need to make the distinction between Tier Reserved and Tier Box a little more clear on printed tickets. It's a ritual as regular as the bleachers' roll call or "Cotton Eyed Joe"-- somebody always sits in our upper deck seats that should be sitting down in the box seats. Not entirely their fault, as Tier Box seats are stupidly designated with the upper deck markings (U3, U17, etc.). I just hate the smirk of the asshole that just realized they're sitting in the wrong seats, and that their real seats are even better!

Bob Sheppard continues to mutter incoherently into the microphone.

Devil Rays 7, Yankees 6

Brrrrrrrr........

We froze our asses off tonight. We waited forever for the bus to take us to the train, which we waited forever for. Then we stood on line for at least 30 minutes so I could cash in my retarded $5 vouchers for more lousy games in July and August. Then we waited in line for another 20 minutes to get into the stadium. Then we sat in the freezing cold for 4 hours and watched the Yankees stumble through 9 innings of inept baseball. Then we took the subway to 125th st and waited another 30 minutes for a bus that never came, and bailed out into a cab.

At least 3 wild pitches, a passed ball, 3 errors (2 by Jeter), a bungled pickoff move, and lots of walks made for a sloppy and cold experience. Luckily we smuggled in some vodka, or else we'd be cold, pissed and broke instead of just cold and pissed. Cough syrup would've been more appropriate, as the Yanks pitched and fielded like they had oven mitts on both hands and 3-D glasses on their heads. Very bad.

Yankees 9, Devil Rays 5

Another Opening Day victory witnessed by yours truly. Not a pretty one.

Pre-game ceremonies were actually pretty good, even touching. I had a lump in my throat during the Cory Lidle montage and surviving family appearance (which I soon realized was the enormous ham and salami sub I was scarfing down). Hank Bauer also got a nice memorial piece.

Bob Sheppard seems to be in very bad shape. The "moment of silence" for Bauer (and Bowie Kuhn) was dominated by the sound of Sheppard wheezing into the microphone. In the 5th inning, the appearance of Brian Bruney was mysteriously announced as "Seeeaaan Hennnnn..." in a strange digitized voice. That was the last thing he would say all day, if he even really said it. Sheppard was immediately replaced by whoever the guy is that will be replacing him as soon as he needs to be replaced full-time.

A-Rod was given a hero's welcome during his first at-bat (even though he muffed an easy pop only minutes earlier), and promptly whiffed. He got booed a few times before his hot-shot single and, finally, his mammoth center-field dong. He's almost like a mascott at this point: a goofball savant.

We'll get to Pavano next time he pitches.

BEER UPDATE:
24 oz. Fosters/Heineken: $12 (up from $9.75)
24 oz. Beck's: $10
24 oz. Bud Lite: $9 (this is what I'll be drinking from now on)
16 oz. Beck's: $8.75
16 oz. Miller Lite, etc.: $8.00

Even at these prices, there were lots of very drunk people in the crowd today. The deli up the hill was selling big cans of Miller for $3, and encouraging people to drink them right in the store! We ordered our sandwiches in the middle of a drunken, burping mob. We'll see how long they get away with it.

eBay Blues

Dammit! Just got an eBay purchase in the mail-- what should have been a 9th Wonder multi-CD set turned out to be Paul Weller's Heavy Soul. That's a nasty trick.

Reminds me of the time I ordered a Pete Townshend CD from Barnes & Noble and got a Dr. Phil book.

Bumbling idiots

The Knicks are absolutely absurd. They sometimes win games they have no business winning, but usually lose such games. It almost never seems that the Knicks actually deserve to win. This is starting to sound like a question on my Symbolic Logic 225 final exam...

Steve Francis misses a free throw with the Knicks down by one, gets the ball back with five seconds left, dribbles wildly down the length of the court, goes behind his back, and drains a silly three to bag a one-point win over the Wiz. Then he leaps up on the scorers' table and makes idiotic gestures at the crowd. His grandmother is in attendance. Of course, Nate Robinson also must leap up on the table, even though he barely played at all tonight. Robinson then jumps on Francis's back and rides around for a while with his shorts falling off his ass.

COME ON ISIAH! There are guys with real talent on this team, but they're about as disciplined as a bunch of 7th graders on a Friday afternoon. They just don't seem to be concentrating! I exempt Steph from that comment-- he's grown up a lot this season (although he kinda stunk tonight). Yes, I blame Isiah for this.

The Knicks will end up just below .500, and might even make the playoffs (!). This will keep Thomas here for at least another year, and chaos will continue to rule. Chaos will win us a few games here and there, but that's about it.

Moving Pictures (remaster)

Some heavy records have a mystical, dark quality to 'em-- Back in Black, Led Zeppelin (IV), Master of Puppets... and certainly Moving Pictures. Not that MP is really a dark record at all, but something about the cover, color and "Tom Sawyer" itself says it loud and clear: DON'T FUCK WITH ME.

Moving Pictures (1981) stands alone in any genre one chooses to place it in. Of course, I think of it as "prog-rock-pop". Or something like that. Let's put Abacab, Ghost in the Machine (both also 1981) and 90125 up there with MP as phenomenal-sounding early 80's PRP records. Besides the fact that Rush's offering is simply more consistent than the others, something much more profound distinguishes Pix: Rush could, did and still does play it live (at least the great songs from it) note for fucking note! When's the last time you saw the Phenix Horns jump up on stage to play "No Reply at All" with Phil and the boys? The Police mighta ripped up their tunes live a few times, but I guarantee it didn't sound anything like the record. And don't get me started with Yes-- Trevor Rabin would need three USB cables shoved up his arse to pull off "Owner" or "Leave It."

"Tom Sawyer" defines 80's classic rock. Period. Gritty, spacy, and tighter than all get out. Each of the boys' strengths are brought out to the nth degree, but in the right direction. It's all too easy to listen to the verse kick drum patterns and say "Oh yeah, this is pretty stock stuff-- I've heard this kinda thing lots of times..." Not before the record came out you didn't!!! I can't think of a pop song before or since that sounds like "Tom Sawyer," and that's because one doesn't exist. It's the Boba Fett of modern music.

"Red Barchetta" wins the "Stairway to Heaven" guitar store award for inspiring clumsy imitations by thousands of kids with ham-handed harmonics. It's kinda like a feel-good song, no? We probably needed one, after "Tom Sawyer" left us feeling about 7 inches tall. Not to mention, haven't we all raced back to the farm to dream with our uncles at the fireside more than a few times in our lives?

"YYZ" (called "XYZ" by countless mongoloids) finds Rush in one of their most compactly jaw-dropping moments-- I always thought of the tune as a kind of a "fuck you" to the jazz fusion community, to be honest. If guys like Weckl, Dimeola, Corea and whoever the hell else actually cared about the listener, they'd put some real effort intro constructing a tight little song like "YYZ", but they'd rather get laid and make records about gypsys and Brazil and all kinds of bullshit. The fusion cats do it to death, but they do it for themselves. Rush does it for US, goddammit.
You gotta love the legendary dueling bass and drums in the middle of the tune, where Neil reels off some gravity-defying 270 degree fills. Finally Geddy caves in: "Uncle! Uncle!" as he rolls out some kind of jazzbo jive turkey bass climb over the bar, which is immediately hacked to pieces and fed to Alex's amazing guitar solo for lunch. Yummy.
"YYZ" also wins the "Trees" drum store award for inspiring thousands of kids to buy a completely useless accessory for their drumset: the crotale. I can see the guy at Sam Ash right now, "OK Timmy, let's order the complete two-octave set of Zildjian crotales for you right now! You'll also need the custom crotale stand..." Timmy's poor father can only watch the back of his station wagon fill up with golden discs and huge boxes, while his credit card takes a tough hit and certainly not the last of its kind.

"Limelight" kinda fits the "dark" vibe of Moving Pictures, but only for the intellectual. It's a fantastic pop song with a darn dirty guitar sound and all sorts of funky cymbal chokes. Plus the legendary "One must put up barriers To keep oneself intact." I came to prefer "Fuck wit' me, I'll put a foot in yo ass." for no real reason.

That's side one, which has to be one of the most rockin' side one's you'll find just about anywhere! They didn't miss a whole lot.

After some fairly inoffensive bleeps and flutters, a keyboard sound usually reserved for Vivid Video releases is heard. The listener isn't quite sure whether he's watching a cheesy filmstrip in science class or a Christy Canyon video. Then he realizes that he's flipped over his Moving Pictures album and "The Camera Eye" is beginning. The band actually builds pretty nicely out of the silly keyboards stuff, and pushes it into a nice rock groove. Look, it's just kind of a weird song, but it really works. Back in the day, they would have made this the first song on the album, and probably even called the whole record The Camera Eye, but now we have inventions like "Tom Sawyer" to prevent such folly.

"The Camera Eye" (11:01) is supposed to be a sprawling bi-continental piece on humanity vs. civilization, ideals vs. progress, etc.. Actually, it's about tripping on acid. Listen to this:

"Head-first humanity
Pause at a light
Then flow through the streets of the city."
or
"They seem oblivious...
So light, yet endless
From a leaden sky.
The buildings are lost
In their limitless rise
My feet catch the pulse
And the purposeful stride."

Come on! Still don't believe me? Listen:
"A quality of light
Unique to every city's streets
Pavements may teem
With intense energy..."

Not to mention, right around 9:00 into the song you can barely make out Geddy saying to Alex under the music, "Hey, I think the walls are melting."
No doubt in my mind.

In all seriousness, "The Camera Eye" is notable as it marks the end of an absolutely astonishing streak by Mr.Lifeson-- seven consecutive album tracks with top-notch ass-kicking inventive guitar solos, dating back to PW's "Different Strings" (his eerie outro piece), and the third movement of "Natural Science." Obviously TS, RB, YYZ and LL have Lifeson's very best work in them (the "Tom Sawyer" solo is toootalllly gnarly!!! Really!), and I propose extending the marathon one more spot into "The Camera Eye." He's got a Fripp kinda thing which runs through Vai and then ends with an almost Knopfler-esque arpeggio bonanza. It qualifies, friend!

"Witch Hunt" is fine, but breaks no real ground amongst its trackmates here. Did we really think it would? "Vital Signs" is more of a Police-style jaggedy song, and provides a nice closing for the record. VS sort of gives us a taste of what's to come on their next proper release, in many ways. We'll explore that next time.

I love the fact that Saga and .38 Special were among the only bands thanked in the liner notes for Moving Pictures. Really, who would dare to play with them? It was usually guys like Tommy Shaw or Aldo Nova that did well, because they got on and off stage without completely humiliating themselves like Marillion and others of that ilk usually did.

Go back and check out the record jacket for Moving Pictures. You won't even have to play the album, and you'll remember everything.

rating: 5 stars

FUN FACT: The very first pressing of CD's in 1983 contained a mastering glitch. A fraction of the very first beat of "Tom Sawyer" is clipped off at the top of the song.
This happened to one of my own recorded CD's once as well. Well, my record actally started with the click of an overdriven amplifier being turned on, which made a nasty 'pop' sound. Not quite a match with the first kick drum of one of the most influential percussion compositions and performances in modern history...

Illin' in Philly

Boy, did the Knicks stink tonight. I got a little pumped up after watching a nice game last night-- I should've known better. The Knicks never win back-to-backs. Especially when Kyle Korver is scoring over 30 points. Didn't help that Q and Crawford couldn't shoot to save their lives.

I think this sums things up pretty well. From tonight's play-by-play (roughly):
Breen: "One area where the Knicks need to improve is turnovers."
Clyde: "Yes, you're right. The Knicks rank 30th in the league in that department."

Permanent Waves (remaster)

Last time I wondered aloud, "What did Rush do after they recorded "La Villa"?" and didn't come up with a whole lot. Maybe the conversation went something like this...
AL: Geddy and I have been talking about writing shorter songs, and more conventionally structured. I showed Geddy a few new synth sounds as well.
NP: Wow, eh. That matches real nicely with the more personal lyrics i've been writing. Terry's got a bit of a tighter sound on my Tama's right now.
GL: I really like this "pop" direction we're discussing. To be honest, I'd be quite happy singing parts that were pitched a bit lower anyway.
SRO: Well lads, this sounds just like the kind of record that Mercury would love to release as its first rock record of the new decade! In fact, you're tentatively scheduled to release your next album on Tuesday, January 1 of 1980!!!

So Permanent Waves was indeed released on the first day of the 80's decade. Rush didn't enter quietly, but rather with a 20-second air-raid burst of guitar flange and stop-start drum dives, introducing us to "The Spirit of Radio." The boys deliver a five-minute blast of prog-power-pop, while simultaneously inventing said genre. I could go on about cool little details within the song (Erwig Chuapchuaduah??), but let's just say it's a perfect opener for Rush's most important record. Many garage bands have tried to play it live, many more have failed (although I did play keys for a band on LI where the guitarist played the entire "Spirit" intro with one hand, while he made all sorts of offensive gestures with his right. Great way to start the show.).

"Free Will" is a landmark song on a landmark album. There aren't many classic rock radio staples where you have three guys playing at 110% for an entire 5+ minutes. I'd say "Hot For Teacher" but Mike Anthony couldn't play FW if his very own free will depended on it! Anyway, killer drum/bass fills and a positively horny guitar solo make this a very strong Top 5 of All-Time Rush contender. Geddy even pulls off the insane screaming breakdown in minute four ("Genetic blends with uncertain ends, on a fortune hunt that's far too fleet") without a hitch. "Free Will" actually works because heavy, ethics-laden lyrics need even heavier, performance-driven parts to keep them afloat. Hell, "Free Will" probably could have supported a chapter of that Hegel paperback sitting on my bookcase. If it had, maybe I would have actually understood it!

The fellas roll the bones a bit on the next track, "Jacob's Ladder." We get the feeling we're going back in time a bit, especially with Peart reeling off odd-time flams and short rolls like he's headed into Gettysburg on a three-legged horse. We keep alternating 5's and 6's until we reach our apparent destination: the Prophet Weinrib performs a Moses-like parting of the clouds overhead, allowing light to fill the region.
Lifeson and Peart follow this miracle with a new riff, but this one's in alternating 6's and 7's (yes, that's 13!). They've chosen to celebrate the breaking of the storm clouds with music that almost nobody else can perform, sing, or even dance along to. Oh well.
But seriously, Peart's playing here is absolutely breathtaking. His drum part develops slowly, almost as if he's familiarizing himself with the difficult meter being kept. He stops and stutters, then creates longer phrases, and finally lays crazy fills all over the joint. The Prophet returns for a final announcement, "The shifting shafts of shining weave the fabric of their dreams..." Fuck yeah.

That's one hell of a Side One. The flipside nearly begins even better, if that's possible. "Entre Nous" is an absolute revelation, free of the usual baggage we've come to love and carry. Three things are striking from the very first verse: Geddy's singing comfortably, Neil's playing with reserve, and Alex is squonking Holdsworth-style power chords-- the kind you usually need at least 6 fingers on your left hand to perform. The ingredients work brilliantly. Perversely, Alex skips the guitar solo, which only furthers the new pop cred of "Entre Nous."
I even had a vision of Teenage Fanclub playing this song, with harmonies and everything. Heck, I'd even go in on the Replacements taking a crack at it! It's that good.

"Different Strings" is pretty great too. Yeah, we all said we hated it back then, just like all the other "slow songs" in the catalog. This one's perfectly crafted, though. Nice job, Geddy.

They had to slip up a little, didn't they? The Spinal Tap-esque gurgling intro to "Natural Science" is a really bad sign. So are the lyrics to "I. Tide Pools." Fortunately, the guys wake up and turn up the juice for the rest of the suite. It's still kinda retarded, but I swear Neil hits a 2 or 3-minute stretch where he's killing it non-stop! He throws in an insane fill just for good measure, which you'll have to find yourself.
"III. Permanent Waves" finishes off the songcycle with an awesome guitar solo, and some really funny lyrics. I swear I sat next to a guy in high school that had "Art as expression - not as market campaigns" scrawled on the cover of his notebook. In the end, I gotta admit that "Natural Science" works despite itself. Since it's pretty much the last time they ever tried something that stupid, let's give'em a pass.

Maybe the best sounding Rush record, certainly the bravest, and probably the coolest. Also the beginning of their really great album cover designs.

rating: 5 out of 5

Fun Fact: The woman on the cover is the wife of former Blue Jay pitcher Jerry Garvin.

Police reunion...

Of all the guys, I think Stewart Copeland is the most out of shape. He was barely keeping up during half the songs I saw on that stupid VH-1 thing.

As I'm sure you all know, I was one of the handful of people at the legendary Police show in Poughkeepsie in '78. I was only about 15 at the time. Don't believe me? Scroll down on this link to October 23, 1978-- you'll see your proof, asshole.

http://hometown.aol.de/dtmrcls/homepage/katzen.html

Hemispheres (remaster)

Rush's 1978 release Hemispheres (aka "Ass-Cheeks") puts together the final pieces of the trio's "modern" sound. Tight as a Winnipeg schoolgirl, here is a band at their performance peak. Production value would continue improving into the next decade, but it can be argued that Rush never pushed their playing further than on Hemispheres. It can also be argued that this is one of the most ridiculous album covers of all time...

As if to say "fuck you, monsieur," the boys open and close the first side with an 18-minute sequel to "Cygnus X-1." Not the wisest idea in the history of Mercury Records, but they damn near pull it off. The whole Greek-myths-in-outer-space thing wears thin quickly, but the whole thing's fairly listenable. Scotch tape and scissors could've made the thing a cozy seven or eight minutes long, but who's counting? They get a pass on sheer balls.

After sailing in and out of black holes and G-d knows what else, the weary listener is treated to the rocker "Circumstances." Ronnie James Dio woulda been proud to perform this song. Unfortunately, Neil Peart sounds like he's doing everything he can to derail the song rhythmically during the opening verses. All he has to do is rock straight through-- instead he chooses to play hide-and-seek with the damn downbeat. Why???

Have no fear, because all is very well with "The Trees," one of the most beloved Rush songs in the catalog. "The Trees" gave birth to countless useless woodblock purchases by sorry young drummers, as well as more dime-store philosophers than "Dust in the Wind". But it's kind of a perfect song, innit?

Aaaaaah... "La Villa Strangiato" (according to Greg in Oakville, Canada, this roughly translates to "The Strange Village." Thanks a million, Greg...). I'm not sure that a better Rush song exists. At least not in my world.

One might argue that "La Villa" (subtitled "An exercise in Self-Indulgence") represents an historic meeting in instrumental music: krautrock and fusion. I know I've drunkenly argued that point many, many times. The tune brilliantly fades in with a nifty little guitar mesh-pattern, accompanied only by Geddy blurps and Neil tinklings. Rhythm section rides in next (wait-- that's Geddy and Neil too!!), and then we're off to the "Strangiato Theme (part III)"!

The breakdown of "A Lerxst in Wonderland (part IV)" features Peart doing his best Bill Bruford imitation: a hiccupping hat-snare-kick kinda thing. Alex even does some nice Adrian Belew-style volume swells, but Geddy manages to avoid the Chapman Stick here. (By the way, I know exactly where each of the "movements" begin and end because I own the percussion chart to "La Villa," thank you very much. I even tried to program the drum part on a Roland 505 drum machine once-- I woulda had better luck trying to translate a Nabokov novel into Hebrew.)

Anyhoo, "La Villa" kicks some serious asscheeks. I've always wondered what the boys did after they finished that monstrous take in the studio. Did they go on a 72-hour coke-and-whore binge across the Welsh countryside? Did they immediately demand millions of dollars from Mercury Records, unrecoupable? Did they each take a giant dump in the basement?

We mortals may never know. Chances are, they hopped a plane back to Toronto and caught the rest of the Maple Leafs game with a bottle of pop and some pretzels...

rating: 3 1/2 out of 5

Fun Fact: Rush settled out of court with Raymond Scott for their ripoff of "Powerhouse" in part V of "La Villa Strangiato".