ZZZZZZeke?

This has been a weird, weird, weird couple of days in the news.

A woman in Pittsburgh told police she was attacked and had a "B" carved into her face because she was a McCain supporter and volunteer campaigner. She alleged that the attackers were "teaching her a lesson" by etching the Barack initial into her cheek. Too bad the B is sort of, um, backwards-- as if it were self-inflicted in front of a mirror. The woman confessed to the hoax soon after the story went public, but not before both John McCain and Sarah Palin embarassingly made la charlatane their new "Joe the Plumber".

Ash the Slash was trumped by the "Man in Leno suit commits suicide" story, which conjured up the vision of a guy in a Halloween rubber Leno mask and suit blowing his brains out. I had nightmares for hours last night (also due to the weird Toyota "Saved By Zero" commercial).

But none can touch today's Isiah Thomas saga. Stories varied wildly about a 47 year-old man being picked up from Isiah's home for an apparent drug overdose this morning. Isiah spoke to reporters today and tried to pawn the incident off on his teenage daughter, saying she's "very down right now" but denied any overdose taking place. Then the 47 year-old Thomas added, "None of us are OK." Huh?

No two reports were the same on the fiasco all evening. Culprits ranged from Isiah's daughter to his son to Isiah himself-- one source simply ran the headline Isiah Thomas Dies!

Looks like Zeke took ten Lunestas late last night and passed out. Guess you can't really blame the guy, right? The medical report also rules out Eddy Curry as the victim, as EC's mass index would require a minimum of 75 Lunestas to even put a dent in his pulse.

Couple things are fer sure here:

1. If Isiah had taken ten Ambiens, he might have avoided this ugly mess. Instead of being hospitalized, he just would've woken up on the floor in the middle of an oversized chess match with an imaginary opponent in his trophy room.

2. This explains a lot about last season, like the time Isiah called a timeout with ten seconds left (down by two) and called a non-shooting play. I'm serious.