The Canyon of Drunks

A funny thing happened on my way to the voting booth this morning. I had to be one of the first suckers in there at 6:05 am. The usual assortment of marginally functional morons were manning the station-- it just doesn't seem like the tightest of ships.

Anyway, I decided that a statistical study was going to be necessary today. Title: "THE EFFECT OF TUESDAY'S GIANTS VICTORY PARADE ON THE TRI-STATE PRIMARY ELECTIONS." Doesn't it seem plausible that drinking, hollering and traveling for 6-plus hours today might create some erratic voting patterns amongst the NY/NJ voting public? I imagined bombed Republicans mistakenly voting for Ron Paul, passing out in the machine, or just plain fucking up the procedure.

Turned out that most of the parade-goers were way too drunk to even think about voting. A bunch of terrifying blue cretins boarded my uptown 2 train at about 4:30 this afternoon, and nearly caused a mini-riot. They were alternating between shouting "I like to fuck assholes! I'm fucking Paulie in the asshole!" and randomly accusing other riders of being Patriots fans. I wasn't sure which was more offensive.

At least they couldn't vote for Giuliani.