Women's Soccer (New Zealand v. Brazil)

This isn't going to be easy.

I've been planning my coverage of the 2012 Olympics since I first learned that London would be hosting the games (about a month ago). The challenges are myriad: time zone differences, children, confusing broadcast programming, lack of prescription drugs... But here we are.

I've decided to go with NBC Sports (channel 122), since it sounds more appropriate than CNBC, MSNBC or Bravo. NBC proper is showing cycling, which I can watch right outside my living room window.

The last 15 minutes of the first half were pretty good. Nil-nil. The Brazilians are absolutely manhandling abusing the Kiwis. Blatant shoves on the sidelines, brutal kicks to the gut on the ground, and even what appeared to be a flat-out insult by Marta. No shit, I saw one of the players standing directly behind a blonde New Zealander during a free kick, rubbing her hands vigorously up and down her opponent's chest and stomach. This is way more exciting than men's cycling.

Still no scoring at the 60-minute mark. Totally into it. Fabiana's pretty dope! Worried that I'm not gonna make it through this whole game... My wife dragged our shrieking children across the street to the playground about a half hour ago, so I don't have much time here. Last time out the boy kept telling some kid named John that he "looked like a girl," and some adult intervention was required. I told Jr. later on that it's not nice to tell boys that they look like girls, and he said that this one might have been a "boy-girl." Since I wasn't actually at the playground for the incident, I just said, "Well, all Johns are boys," and changed the subject.

We're at 75:00 now. Hey, the opening ceremony was sort of cool! Helped that I was buzzed on some kind of 7.2% weird red beer (Dog-Snake? Dogbite?) and pretty loose after the drubbing of the Red Sox. We didn't really have the sound on, so I had no idea what was going on most of the time, or any sense of what things "meant." That was a big plus.

I was transfixed by the beige-clad escorts of each nation's athletes, and the mysterious objects they were holding. I thought they were either autoharps or personal spittoons (for olive pits?)-- turned out they were components of the massive torch-piece for the finale. Even the Pink Floyd thing worked for me, but I just couldn't sit still for "Hey Jude." Total downer! "Get Back" would've been awesome but a bit confusing... I don't know.

OK, Brazil finally scores after 85 minutes of slogging away. Looks like Fabiana's hurt, or simply exhausted. Put this one in the ledger.