South in Ya Mouth (part 1)

We're now on the seventh day of the Mazzola summer family trip. Maybe he rested on the seventh day, but I sure as hell didn't.

I've had internet access a few times on the trip, and maybe had a free moment here and there, but rarely both at the same time. My twenty minutes at my brother-in-law's were spent updating the damn baseball pool and then I was whisked off to Bass Pro Shops Outdoor World (there's something hilarious about parking your car and walking into a mall to see "Outdoor World"), so posts just haven't been possible.

We flew to Memphis from LGA without much ado, except Lee Jr's caterwauling during his mid-flight diaper change. Flying with an 18-month-old is quite an experience.

We arrived, exhausted, and shlepped our shit to the Avis shuttle bus. It was goddamn 98 degrees. Since we had five huge "bags" (if you include a 30-pound car seat as a bag) and a toddler, we fell behind in the race from the bus to the check-in counter. We were last out of six customers.

The Avis location was beautiful, and had seven employees on staff to handle the line for rentals. Five of the seven were standing in the middle of the lobby watching the Michael Jackson tribute, and another guy was standing outside. That left one barely competent girl behind the counter. I scowled at the lazing red-shirted Avis "workers" as they stared up at a 75 degree angle at the mounted TV set. John Mayer came on and started jazz-juking his way through "Human Nature" as one of the Avis girls shouted, "Hey, ain't that John Mellencamp?!" I fantasized about ratting out the entire staff on my cell phone, but I kept my cool.

All was forgotten when our gorgeous champagne Grand Marquis appeared right in front of our bags, engine and A/C running. I squirmed in my seat and tried to adjust the steering wheel to a functional position-- apparently Marc Gasol is parking cars for Avis this summer. I felt around the side of the seat and depressed anything that felt like a button facing forward. In seconds I was howling in agony, as I protruded the lumbar support mechanism to its maximum jut. Imagine trying to drive a car with a fully inflated innertube around your waist.

Memphis was lotsa fun. We stayed at the distinguished Peabody for a few nights, which kicked ass. The St. Louis Cardinals AAA team plays right across the street, so I checked out a Redbirds-Isotopes game on our last night in town. I was coming from a cookout at our friends' place, so we were a bit late to the game. They weren't even selling beer when we sprinted in at the top of the 8th. I did get to see "Downtown" Dee Brown smack a home run to right before the game ended. Great little stadium.

We left for SW Missouri the next morning, which we'll pick up in part 2...