"This is the hardest thing I've ever done..."

Wow. Too much going on in the world.

Joe Torre trashes A-Rod, Cash, and who knows who else. C'mon... you seriously think the guys called him "A-Fraud" behind his back around the clubhouse?! Nobody really talks that way. "Douchebag" maybe-- but "A-Fraud"???

Stephon "Theseus" Marbury has a new plan every week-- Knicks are buying him out after all, he's gonna play in Greece, etc. Now he's saying the Celtics are on the verge of picking him up, which is completely unfounded by any and all reports out of Boston. What does this guy do all day?

The coach of the Covenant School's girls basketball team was fired for unapologetically trouncing the Dallas Academy by a score of 100-0. Apparently his actions weren't "Christlike" enough for the brothers at the Cov. What hasn't made the papers is the longstanding feud between the schools, which boiled over last spring when the Dallas Academy allegedly cheated in a "pray-off" competition (several girls were caught with snippets of the 23rd Psalm scrawled in pen under their skirts).

So, what else to do tonight but check out Superstars of Dance on NBC?!! I was one of the few that caught the premiere a couple of months ago, which was one of the strangest hours of TV since the (2-hour!) Glutton Bowl of 2002. Sadly, nobody ate testicles from a giant vat this time.

The show is too ridiculous to even begin to explain. Riverdance's Michael Flatley (looking about as lithe as Pat Flatley) hosts with a hilarious lilt of an accent, and feels the need to repeatedly explain the two or three rules of the competition. Dancers from eight countries compete and are judged by experts from the same eight countries. However (this is supposed to be a cool twist), no judge can judge his or her own country's routine-- instead they are compelled to laud their kinsmen in grotesquely broken English. The enduring question of S.o.D. is whether the horrible dancers are offending their own cultures, or just the rest of the human race in general.

But... the rose goes to The Bachelor tonight. Those who don't know history are doomed to repeat it, and those who haven't seen The Bachelor are doomed to watch the repeats. It's the skeeviest show of all time, with a fiendishly brilliant premise: a tragically flawed man drinks and fucks his way through a harem of emotionally challenged women, leaving a trail of despair, psychosis and empty champagne flutes in his wake. Yikes.