Yankees 9, Pirates 3

I thought I'd start out by describing the majestic walk from bullpen to mound by the returning Roger Clemens, but I can't do that because I wasn't there. It took me TWO FUCKING HOURS to get to the damn game. No exaggeration, TWO HOURS. It's a minor miracle that nobody on that D train was murdered or seriously injured. The idiot next to me kept asking me, "Do you know why the train isn't moving?" or commenting, "I think we might miss Clemens's opening pitch." You think so, old man??!! Thank the lord for my PDA-- I nearly poked a hole in the screen playing at least sixty games of "demon" solitaire.

Screw the game. I couldn't get into it. The only highlight was some lady behind us totally ratting out a couple that were smoking cigarettes in the upper deck. The couple already had a profile in our section: the guy's face was bright red and the girl's boobs were enormous. Both were very drunk.Anyway, a security team came up and removed the offending smokers. And I mean "team"-- a regular security guy, a cop, a really big guy, and two "yellow shirts" (including the legendary "Angel of Death" a.k.a. "J-Lo"). Both seemed confused as they were escorted from section 6.

This is beginning to bother me. It's like the "If you see something, say something..." campaign on the subway, right? They're experimenting with these little remote controls in movie theaters with buttons to report "problems" with the film. You know, like sound, picture, temperature, and of course, other.
Speaking of films, my date and I went to see Knocked Up after the game. Worst previews I've ever seen in my moviegoing lifetime.
1) Something with Adam Sandler and the King of Queens guy as friends pretending to be a gay couple so they can fool local authorities
2) The ping pong version of Dodgeball
3) Something with Robin Williams as some sort of religious guy that counsels/spies on a couple about to get married
4) The new Die Hard
5) I don't remember, but it was awful

All of the above (except Die Hard) contained homophobic innuendo, people getting hit in the face with flying objects, and Christopher Walken.