This week in baseball…

Dave Denby's right-- I've been a bit reserved lately.

My brain has turned the consistency of a hot dog bun on the floor of the Fenway bleachers, but here's some of the bullshit I've jotted down over the past few days:

Is that a fat little wooden cross around Todd Helton's neck, or a piece of petrified bear dung?

How did anyone actually get psyched up for the Rockies?

The "Black Pearl" pirate ship??!!! Absolutely the stupidest fucking thing I've ever seen in my life! Eighth graders play hacky-sack with more soul than that! Never in the history of sports have grown men done something as pathetic as this. Including the Super Bowl Shuffle, various Met handshake/celebrations, you name it. I pray to God they don't do this next season.

As sleeping pills rescued me from the clinching Game Four of the Series, I muttered (to no one in particular) that "I can only name three Red Sox players that aren't complete assholes. Manny, Dice-K, and Francona..."

I stuck up for A-Rod at least three hundred times in the last few years, but screw him. Exactly what kind of career is he trying to assemble? What kind of legacy? Is he going for a 0.052 approval rating? Is he planning to retreat into an innertube ride in Anaheim?

PS- To all Yankee fans that booed A-Rod mercilessly: you're not to blame. You never were.

Did anyone else notice Manny looking for other guys on the team to celebrate with after the Series, and nobody really hanging out with him? Did you notice that Manny didn't give a shit at all?

Joe Buck called him "Jose Lugo" at least once.

He also said something about Boston "removing their onus."

I'm secretly praying that they forget to make the bleachers "no alcohol" in the new Yankee Stadium.

Everybody seems to have forgotten about how badly the Mets screwed up this season!

I can finally wear my "Pavano" jersey in public now.

Now Red Sox fans might have a real reason to be scared coming to the Bronx. I'm predicting a 200% rise in violence at Sox-Yanks games next season.

Let's go Knicks!!!